Eris gives Ryan Seacrest Love CPR

Did you hear me On-Air with Ryan Seacrest today?

Yes, you heard it right. I was on my favorite radio station again, KISS FM, with my favorite radio host, Ryan Seacrest, talking about my favorite topic...LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS!

They even put me on their home page saying "Love Doctor, Eris gives CPR to Ryan's Roses."

Check it out!



If you missed the segment you can listen to it here. http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/WMX5M3ds

Also, if you missed the first time I was On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
click here. http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/Wj3C1C3s

To read what Ryan Seacrest's blog said about my segment click here. http://www.ryanseacrest.com/blog/whats-happening/relationship-counselor-lends-advice-to-ryans-roses/

If you have ever listened to Ryan's Roses, the topic is negative (cheating, break-up, divorce). However, it is what you do with the negative. What I help people do is make positives out of what is perceived as negative.

How To Get Ready For Love

So many of us have been looking for love in all the wrong places for way too long. We attract mates who don't treat us the way we believe that we deserve.

Well, I'm going to be a little blunt and daring right now. We actually do attract the mates in our life that we believe we deserve.

You attract certain people in your life who trigger certain characteristics in you. This allows you a gateway to understanding more about your self.

If you can truly understand this, you will know that each and every person that we attract in our lives is a gift. So, matter how "wrong" or difficult your relationship or past relationship was, you can experience tremendous growth trough the experience. This growth can be painful and challenging; however, it is well worth the work (if you so choose).

The truth is, none of us are perfect. We all have areas in which we need to grow. If you are really honest with yourself, by taking a real look in the mirror, you will see some changes that you can make within yourself. If you do this, you become more of your Best Self.

In my own experience after a break-up, I had tremendous anger directed at my ex. I had negative projections towards him and saw him as the bad guy. I began to feel feelings of anger, jealousy, annoyance and fear around him. In order for me to grow, it was important for me to recognize my anger. I was not really angry at him, I was angry at myself. I had to see what I was projecting onto him and withdraw my projections.

So much of the anger that I was projecting onto him was anger that I had with myself.

Once I authentically recognized them within myself, my anger towards him disappeared. I was not honoring the authentic woman I was and I lost myself in him. I had to withdraw my projections, recognize them within myself and begin to behave differently. I began to find the different qualities that I was desperately seeking in a mate within myself. By recognizing my projections, I began knowing different parts of my soul, which makes me feel more whole.

Once you start to do this work on yourself, you will be preparing yourself for true, deep love.

It's not just enough to say, "I'm ready for love." You need to expand yourself and know more of who you are to get that love. Become actively engaged in becoming the person you need to be in order to create an extraordinary relationship.

The good news is that each and every relationship that you have ever had is one step closer to what you know in your heart of hearts that you ultimately deserve. You just need to work through some of your "stuff" first.

One of the main obstacles to getting that love is having unresolved issues from your past. We all have them. They show up as resentments. So, we have to be aware of them and truly work through them so that we can move on. This requires not only looking at the resentment, but also looking at our part. It can be challenging to accept responsibility when we believe that someone hurt us. It is so much easier to say, "It's all their fault."

The key is reclaiming your power. How you do that is acknowledging how you participated. Once you do this, you can change. This is when you can have your biggest breakthroughs and life transformative experiences.

When you change your own patterns in your relationships, you begin to show up differently in your life. This is when you start attracting different people and mates.

It really isn't about what the other person did or is doing. It is who you are and how you show up to be.

Once you understand this you will be well on your way to getting ready for love in all the right places!

Can Rejection Be A Gift?

I learned early on in life that every person I loved was sure to disappoint me somewhere along the yellow brick road. This was proven to me, even more so, in love relationships.

The first few months are like living in La La Land. It's falling in love, somewhere over the rainbow, in a land of unrealistic hope. It's like cruising along on the good ship lollipop.

However, things don't stay that way. In a relationship, two people are bound to cross the threshold into Reality Land. This is where one's true colors shine through and where many of my relationships ended.

It used to embarrass me when a guy didn't like me back, or when he chose to end whatever was going on between us.

Why? Because of rejection.

Rejection makes me feel self-conscious and ill at ease. And to be totally honest, it SUCKS! It's bad enough to be rejected in day-to-day life, and coming to terms with being a woman, in the workforce, in a patriarchal world.

But to be rejected in relationships on top of it - that takes the cake!

I have been rejected more times than I'd like to admit. It's a humbling experience, but also transformative - each with its own gifts.

Some break-ups were heart wrenching and caused me great sadness. Others seemed to have cruel and surprising twists, which left me stunned and confused. Others were simply not meant to be. I was genuinely, passionately, and profoundly in love with some of the men, while others were simply that - men.

As we travel through life, we often end up single. There are many reasons why. It could be because you were with the wrong person, cheating, lies, divorce, addictions, location, goals, no passion and more.

You may also be fearful of rejecting someone. The truth is that you are not obligated to stay with someone who isn't right for you. Rejection is a natural part of the dating and relationship process.

I also look at rejection as God's way of protection.

You can change how you look at rejection and see it as a gift.

When you reject someone, you are releasing them to find someone who will truly love them for who they are. Look at it this way when someone rejects you - Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you for who you are? Wouldn't it be better to be with someone who loves and cherishes you for YOU?

No matter how you look at it; falling in love is a risk. You are bound to be hurt somehow, some time, somewhere in the relationship. But instead of rejecting love after you have been hurt, and watching life pass you by, embrace the journey. Ask yourself how you can grow through the experience.

Every person who has ever entered your life has come to bring you a gift. This gift is for you to get a better understanding for who you are as a person. If you look at it that way and receive the presents - you have the opportunity to become your Best Self.

I can also foresee that if you can turn rejection into a positive event, no matter how much it hurts in the moment, it will lead you to an even better opportunity. No matter how cliché it may sound - As one door closes, another always opens.

5 Do's & Dont's In A Relationship

Don'ts

1. Don't think that you can fix your partner. The only
person that you can fix is yourself.

2. Don't try and change your partner. This is an impossible
task. You are powerless over people, places and things.

3. Don't take away what your partner loves to do most. If
your mate loves to watch football with the boys buy him
a case of beer and send him off. He will be more than
likely to want to come home to you sooner. If he loves to
play golf. Let him. Buy him a golf shirt. He will love you
for that. If she wants to have a girls night out - order
them a bottle of wine or a chocolate cake and surprise
her. Hmmm... I wonder what she will do for you when you
come home that night. If she has a dream career or
hobby - support her in any way you can so that she can
fulfill her dreams.

4. Don't lie, be unforgiving, selfish, impatient, secretive or
vindictive.

5. Don't think that your relationship is going to be perfect.
There is no such thing. Expecting one will keep you
disappointed forever. Erase the La La Land fairytale that
Prince Charming saves the Princess fantasy. This will
never happen. Allow the Sleeping Beauty within you to
wake up and explore more about you.

Do's:


1. Do Know your Vision as a couple. Keep working towards
that vision. Build steps into making it happen.

2. Know your wants and not wants in a relationship.

3. Know the time that you want to spend with yourself,
alone as a couple and as a couple with others. Negotiate
and compromise this time together as a couple.

4. Ask yourselves the most difficult questions in each area
of your life: Home, Money, Work, Sex, Health and Food,
Family, Children, Community Life & Friends, Spiritual &
Mental.

5. Remember you are supposed to be on the same team. Be
each others Best Friends.