Friday, July 30, 2010

When Do I Tell Them How Many People I Have Slept With?

When entering a new relationship many people want to know when they should do share information about their sexual history?

In a perfect world you should share information with your partner.

But, we aren't in a perfect world.

When you enter a new relationship, remember the saying
"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." No matter how cliche it sounds - its true!

Sexual history should be left in the past where it belongs except for discussions regarding health issues (HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc). Everything else is like walking the razors edge. The next step can be the best choice or worst choice you ever made.

When entering a relationship - especially a committed one that can lead to marriage - discussing a specific number shouldn't even be a topic of discussion. What is in the past should stay in the past.

But if you need to know...

When it comes to the amount of partners, usually less is more for men. Men like to think that he is only man she has ever been with...or will ever be again. And, if there have been men in the past - LESS is better. Men would rather not know about a woman's past. A guy doesn't want a girl who has slept with more people than he has (unless she is a Super Model or a one night stand. Then he doesn't really care). They like the "Madonna Whore" and they want to be the one to teach her everything. Guys don't have a problem with a number that is too low. Unfortunate but true - It's a double standard.

Women like a man who has had more experience than she has. They like the bad boy who can get any girl and he has picked HER over all the rest. What woman would say no to Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson - a man who will show her a thing or two about a thing or two while adding excitement to her life. Women like a guy who will cherish her, protect her and take a Bull by the Horn.

Uh Oh...Now you might be asking if it is ok to lie about your sexual history?

Never Lie. However, it is OK to divert the conversation by being vague. You can say, "I'm not comfortable to talk about this right now." "I don't know you well enough to have that conversation." "We don't want to go there."

Fact is, the most important thing here isn't the number of sexual partners someone has had. It is if they have a history of cheating or some kind of sexual addiction. This is a health issue. Having this information is important for you because it is the rest of your life.

When you are in a REALationship, the past number of sexual partners shouldn't matter. However, communicating and making your partner feel safe and secure is key.

Once you are in a committed relationship or thinking that you want to spend some extended amount of time in a relationship with them, it is important to communicate with them that the past is the past and they are the one that you want to be with. Make them feel secure, like there is no other.