Sunday, May 4, 2008
Why is it that they say
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
I just traveled 284 miles (568 round trip) for 3 glorious days in Vegas.
Most people think of guys when
it comes to Vegas getaways.
But, what happens in Vegas doesn't always have to stay in Vegas. For me its not about the gambling and the strip clubs. It's about fun, food and relaxation. My mom lives there. So, its my perfect getaway.
Its not exactly that I need to get away from Clayton per se, it's just nice to have a break.
Do you ever feel that you need
a break from your mate?
I think Couples should practice spending time apart. It gives you down time. It gives you time to think and reflect on yourself.
Absence can make the heart grow fonder,
but it can also give you a sense of
your own beauty and strength.
Some people think that being together all the time is healthy, but it can be smothering at times. This isn't good because you can lose your identity. You must keep your individuality in a relationship. Both mates should be able to stand on their own two feet - not on each others.
You shouldn't be afraid of that person's absence or that he or she will cheat. If a person is going to cheat, he or she will do it regardless. If you're afraid of this happening, you shouldn't be with that person anyway.
S-e-p-a-r-a-t-i-o-n gives you time to reflect on that person from a distance. It's not that Clayton and I didn't talk to each other when I was gone - we did. But, the distance gave us a sense of s-p-a-c-e. Without space in a relationship the relationship can become stifling and overbearing. This can happen in any relationship - even a healthy one.
When absence has truly made the heart grow fonder we experience a reconnection with our mate. We no longer focus on the pety or mundane that gets under out skin. We can now focus on the positive qualities of their personality, which allows us to rekindle the love that we have for one another.
FYI - men are often the ones
whose hearts grow fonder in
the absence of a loved one.
Men have a tendency to take a mate for granted when that person is around. But when that person is not around, they will think about those qualities that they miss. The hunger for those qualities grows and grows and grows.
I know this is true when I take a trip away from Clayton. It becomes truly clear that although he has trouble living with me 24-7, he CLEARLY can't live without me 24-7!
Not only did I have fun in the sun, wined and dined by night, and shopped till I dropped - I got to come home to a renewed relationship.
It’s nice to see stereotypes switching genders. It’s not always the feminine that goes through the pains and longings after a break-up.
Have You Ever Experienced Yourself Being
FeMANine or MISSculine?
Clayton and I saw the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall - HILARIOUS! It was our part of our date last weekend. (I feel that it is really important to date when you are in a relationship - but we'll talk about that at a later date).
So, without giving away too much of the plot, the set up of this movie is boy meets girl, falls in love with girl, lives and works with girl, girl cheats on boy and breaks up with boy, boy is left broken and both psychologically and physically naked/alone. Throughout the first section of the movie, we see boy living out the stereotypical female role (he cries, he calls his friend repeatedly to talk about her, he cries some more, he eats, he sleeps, he cries himself to sleep, he wakes up and repeats the same pattern). This, you can tell, goes on for days and days and days - If not weeks, and weeks, and weeks. Finally boy finds himself ALONE, ALONE, COMPLETELY ALONE! SCREAM!
So, what does boy do? This is where the stereotypical feminine & masculine archetypes switch roles for a moment. Boy calls friend (which girl would do) to go out and have some fun. But, unlike the stereotypical feminine, who would probably drink, dance, and flirt; he, in his stereotypical masculine proceeds to drink, not dance, and F*#K. After the F-ing is over, he switched back to his stereotypical feminine and began to cry, while the girl with him in bed consoled him. You could see the distaste in comfort she was experiencing by this UN-stereotypical situation.
As far as my relationship, Clayton and I seem to switch our stereotypical feminine and masculine roles at times (all the time). I find that this is at times confusing and at times constructive. All in all, it’s once again about communication. Who takes on what role when, where, how and why? When you are in a relationship, sharing these roles can allow each individual to discover unstereotypical feminine and masculine in themselves, which can create a better and stronger partnership in their relationship.
Have you Ever experienced a situation and time where you have switched feminine and masculine roles in a relationship? If you have, I suggest taking an honest look at that experience and seeing how it affected you and that experience.
Examples: Emotional, physical, social, financial, etc.
Emotional: Do you find that one of you is more emotional than the other? How does this affect your relationship? Is it a positive or a negative? Is it something that needs to be shifted?
Physical: Do you find that one of you is more physical than the other? How does this affect your relationship? Is it a positive or a negative? Is it something that needs to be shifted?
Social: Do you find that one of you is more social than the other? How does this affect your relationship? Is it a positive or a negative? Is it something that needs to be shifted?
Financial: Do you find that one of you is more financially responsible than the other. How does this affect your relationship? Is it a positive or a negative? Is it something that needs to be shifted?
ETC: Do you find that one of you is more _________ than the other. How does this affect your relationship? Is it a positive or a negative? Is it something that needs to be shifted?
Look, what is stereotypical?
There is really no stereotypical anymore. In today’s world of shifting perceptions and new challenges, we have the choice to be who we want, playing the roles we want. Nonetheless, we have to make sure that who we you choose to be in our love life will fit into the roles of the relationship.
I suggest in your relationship you always reevaluate your roles and redefine your relationship.
Many times our confusion about our masculine and feminine within, especially today’s working women, can leave us alone and confused.
I hear women being frustrated asking… “Why am I not in a relationship?” “I’m successful in my business but not in love! WHY?”
Part of the reason for that is because we spend so much time working on our external looks, or not understanding how men and women can be successful in love together. Another part of the puzzle is that in order for a relationship to be healthy and last you have to become aware of the male and female within yourself.