He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not
It's that time of the year again - February - the month of romance and Valentine's Day - and another Hallmark moment (It's the second largest capitalistic gift giving holiday of the year). For some of you, your rooms will be filled with sweet tart hearts, See's candies, and bouquets of flowers. You are in love, and will be exchanging cards that say, "Will you be mine?" For others it's a lonely day and a lonely night while watching the lovebirds in their La La Land. For you, the fact that people actually buy into this contrived, manmade, multibillion-dollar holiday is silly at best. Nonetheless, for most of you, there is probably somewhere, deep down inside of you, a glimmer of hope that cupid will take his bow and shoot you with his arrow that will cause you to fall in love. Whatever the case may be, just remember to always love yourself.
Here are some of the Valentine's Day questions I have recieved from my readers:
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Ever since I was a kid, I felt forced into Valentine's Day, and forced into expressing love in a way that I'm not ready to. This occasion ruins the natural process of love. It's a complete set up, which I think was created by the female of the species. I care about my current girlfriend; but with Valentines Day right around the corner, I'm put into this position once again. I don't know how to express myself, or what to give her. I even have the thought of breaking up with her before the holiday and then getting back together with her afterwards. But, I know that this is not right. What should I do?
Eris Suggests:
It's a good thing that you know that breaking up to avoid the pressures of Valentine's Day isn't a healthy thing to do. I suggest that you talk to your girlfriend and explain to her the pressure that you feel around Valentine's Day. Give her the chance to express herself with you as well. As far as a gift, be creative - come up with something simple and appropriate. Or, come up with something together that feels comfortable for both of you. I suggest that you do not force yourself into saying anything that you do not want to say. Valentines day does not have to be such a pressure filled holiday nor does it have to become a bank account buster.
FYI - Although many women do get excited to celebrate Valentines Day with the person that they love, women did not create it. It was traditionally dedicated to two ancient male martyrs named Valentine.
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Valentines Day is right around the corner AGAIN and I'm starting to freak out. I generally get an overwhelming feeling of loneliness around February. And, to top it off, I'm surround by women at work. Most of them are already getting cards, gifts, flowers, etc. And I won't - unless I send them to myself. Should I send myself flowers to escape the embarrassment or should I call in sick on Valentine's Day?
Eris suggests:
The fact is that everywhere you look in February is images of couples kissing, candy, hearts, and love, love, love. It is a shame that people who are not in a relationship are made to feel bad on Valentines Day. To make matters worse, if you are already feeling alone, then this day can trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and emotions. However, all of this hype can trick you into putting just as much focus on this holiday as society does. This can be unwarranted as well as unhealthy. I suggest that you change your perception of this day. Its just another day, and not being in a relationship right now is not the end of the world. Don't get down on yourself for that. You first need to be in a relationship with yourself, empower yourself, and fall in love with you. There can't possibly be a better time to do this than right now. Self worth comes from you, not from anyone else. Take contrary action on Valentines Day and have a date with you, yourself, and YOU. Take yourself to the movies, go on a nice hike, go shopping (Just don't get yourself into debt). You can also enjoy the day with a friend. As Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
I get many e-mails surrounding Valentine's Day break-ups. This does not surprise me being that this holiday revolves around equating love - finding the dollar figure that says, "I love you," in just the "right amount." The rest of the year, we show each other how much we love by the little things, how we listen, how we act. But on this day, its pre planned, pre packaged, pre marketed, pre sold, pre bought, and pre consumed. But lets not remove February 14th from our calendars. Lets just remember what its for - EXPRESSING LOVE.
PS: For all of you that e-mailed me about your Valentines Day break-ups - I'm sorry. But if your significant other broke up with you because of this holiday then there was more to it than that or not enough. Be thankful that you are free at last, free at last, free at last.
Love, Eris
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