The La La Land Stage Of Love

There are a few stages to love.

The first, and by far the favorite, is The Honeymoon Stage
- or what I call the La La Land Stage - we all know about.

Beginning a new love relationship is like entering the gates of a Secret
Garden. It’s a place where a caterpillar creates its cocoon for the butterfly
to escape its chrysalis and flutter around in your stomach. Falling in
love feels like ecstasy. The bee’s wings, in frenetic motion, cause a
buzzing sound in your ear. Life instantly begins to have meaning. Two
birds in flight soar into the clouds. Your heart beats faster. Entangled
and entwined. You are floating on air, and your possibilities seem endless.

You experience a sense of vitality that you never felt before. The
love you feel sparks a flame deep within your unconscious. Supplies of

• Oxytocin
• Endorphins
• Dopamine
• Serotonin
• And other neurotransmitters

are at high levels.

Then you come crashing back to earth.

You know your ABC’s and the birds and the bees.

Its love in La La Land.

We long for love in La La Land. This began when we were little
children and discovered stories, myths, songs, books, poems, movies,
television, and their fairy tales within. It permeates our world.

Sound Familiar?

I know that it does to me. I can’t count how many times I have lived in La La Land, thinking that HE was the one.

He was! He was the one to BREAK MY HEART!

As I see it, La La Land is WAY LESS important
than Reality Land because that’s where
the REALationship starts and begins to thrive.

This false idea of love ignores the groundwork that relationships require.

Unfortunately, a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the La La Land stage is over and Sleeping Beauty Awakes and finds that her Prince Charming is not so Charming after all.

Have YOU ever experienced this La La Land to Reality Land transition?

How did you deal with it?

The first reality that I see is that there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship
(except in romance novels or fairytales).

The perfect guy or girl is a delusion.

The truth is that your relationship was perfect in the sense
that you chose to be there and there are lessons to be learned. You might
not have been able to learn these lessons without the relationship.

Once you step out of false hope and unrealistic fantasies into Reality
Land, it can feel like a tough place to be in at first. But, the truth is that,
only when you look at yourself and your relationship from the Reality
Land perspective do you give yourself the opportunity for growth.

Looking For Your Mr. Big?

Speaking of Sex In The City, we all know that the theme of the series is about being single and finding "The One".

Are you worried that you will never find a great relationship and end up being single FOREVER?

What kind of relationship do you dream of having - or already found?

Who is your Mr. Big?

Here's a fun little story:

A good friend of mine had her idea of her perfect Mr. Big. He was tall, dark and handsome - an Ivy League graduate - a doctor or a lawyer or both.

In her mind he made at least 6 figures, drove a luxury car, was well endowed, had perfect teeth and genes.

For years she shopped for her perfect Mr. Big. But luckily the stores had an open return policy. She seemed to keep finding ready to wear but not couture. The closest thing to a perfect man she could find was Jimmy Choo in the shoe department. Luckily she had her friends to keep her company: Vera, Stella, Diane, Luis and me.

My friend became frustrated and tired and got to the point where she had these thoughts:

· "I'm happy to be single and focus on myself."
· "ALL of the good men are taken."
· "I don't need a guy! ALL men are screwed up anyways."

But then she remembered that she really did want that connection with someone. She knew that she couldn't be single forever.

She became determined to make some space for a relationship. She set the intention for herself and started shopping once more.

Then, once upon a time...I received a text from my friend, which read, "Eureka, I found him!"

The funny thing was that he didn't quite resemble the guy that she envisioned. But, he cherished her, complimented her, had the same core values and made her feel like she could fulfill her dreams. He was her PERFECT Mr. Big.

As I like to say: There Is Always Hope. Don't Give Up. Keep Shopping! Your perfect Mr. Big could be right around the corner.

2 Keys To Making A Relationship Healthy

I want to share with you how to become more connected and fulfilled in a relationship.

Step One:

Ask yourself some simple questions:

* How do YOU feel when you're with your mate?

* Do you feel like they understand you?

* Or, do you feel like you never can BE 100% YOURSELF?

* Do you feel like they support you with your passions in life?

* Or, do you feel like the two of you have very little in common when it comes to the things you love to do?

* Do you feel like your conflicts take up so much time that you spend more time arguing than focusing on things that are more important to you?

* Does your relationship keep you from being the person you WANT to be or were before you met this person?


Now, ask yourself how you think
your mate would answer these questions.

If you're in a great relationship right now, and you
feel that there's NO ONE else who makes you feel
like your can reach your full potential - then nothing I'm going to say here is going to be news
to you.

In fact, I would love for you to e-mail me your Successful LOVE STORY. (stories@loveeris.com)

BUT, if you're feeling confused, alone, angry or
depressed about where you are, then
continue reading because these two keys that I'm about to share with you can help.


KEY #1:
Know YOUR Goals & Vision.

Don't forget that you had a life before your mate.

Have you forgotten about your purpose or hobbies?

If the answer to that question is YES, then this exercise of setting some goals for yourself will help.

Exercise:
Write down your goals.

The first thing in achieving a goal is to have a strong commitment to it.

Then, it is important to have a strategy on how you will deal with the things that will stand in your way of achieving your goals.

Last, keep track of your progress.

Here is an example of how you can write down your goals clearly:

My Goal:____________________

Steps I need to take to get there
1.
2.
3.

NOW FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR STEPS.

KEY #2:
Know your Goals and Vision in
Your Relationship.

Sexual Chemistry and Passion is not ENOUGH for a successful relationship. In fact, that is the icing on the cake.

In order to be truly fulfilled and connected for the
long-term, your relationship also needs to have a common vision and goal.

Now, it just so happens that Clayton and I have very similar Goals and Visions for our relationship.
But it doesn't mean that we don't have to be clear and constantly work on making it happen.

The important thing to remember is that you have to continue to communicate and support each other's passion because that is what is going to make them a better mate. By being in a relationship TOGETHER, you're building a life that actually nurtures and supports your goals and vision together.

To ensure that you are working on creating your life together, I suggest map questing it clearly with one another.

Repeat the same activity that I suggested above - but do it together.

So, two keys in staying in a
healthy relationship are:

1. Make sure that you follow through with YOUR own goals and vision.

2. Make sure that you follow through with your goals and vision in YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Dating: 101

* Do you make time for date night in your relationship?
* If you are not in a relationship, but want to be in one, do you go out and make sure that you are connecting with others and
making yourself available?

HUGGING is the physical nature of a REALationship.

This includes holding hands, looking each other in the eyes, kissing, caressing, and making love.

This may seem obvious but too often we overlook and forget to just reach out and touch one another.

You have to set time aside for intimacy and physical contact.

We get so caught up in the day-to-day of living that we can take our relationship for granite. I suggest putting aside a night for just the two of you at least once a week. Even its just its just staying at home and watching a movie - just as long as you are doing it together.

Its Never Too Late To Date

Finally - Date Night! WooHoo!!

Clayton and I have been working so hard that it seems like it has been forever that we have gone out and had some FUN!

First we went to the Grove to see Iron Man.
I LOVED IT!!

The reason why I love Iron Man is because he is willing to take a look at himself and make a change in his life.

The billionaire industrialist starts off as being a self obsessed, selfish man whore who realizes that what he has been doing for years is killing millions of people while profiting from the sales of weapons of mass destruction. When he has a change of heart he invents an armored suit to help him save the world. My kind of guy! Not only does he have a philanthropic heart - he's smart, he lives in this fabulous mid-century modern home over looking the ocean, drives fast cars, AND - he's hot!

In the end of the movie, Iron Man falls in love with his assistant Pepper Potts.

When do YOU think that happened?

When she let her long flowing feminine hair down and put on that smashing dress? Or, was it the fact that she is unconditionally there for him and will do everything in her power to keep in him out of harms way - even putting his heart in a box? Or, is it a little of both. You have to see the movie. I can't wait to see what happens with their relationship in the sequel.

Iron man is just cool! Hmmm - Kinda reminds me of my sweetie (well, in my own comic book fantasy kind of way).

Then, Clayton and I proceeded to get dinner and drinks at La Piazza where we talked, people watched, and just had a good ole time. It sure does remind me that no matter how busy our schedules are, sometimes we have to force ourselves to let loose and have a little fun at least once a week. Because all work and no play make Eris and Clayton dull partners!

Is Love A Game?

Do people play games while dating and in Relationships? DUH!

Welcome to the Game of LIFE!



The real question is:
What are these games and how do we avoid them?

In the game of LIFE, we all have to play games to enhance our position - to move forward on the board and ultimately survive/win.

One of the first games I played as a girl was:
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
But soon I learned how to precount the pedals on the flower to work in my favor.

Since that game grew boring quickly, I moved on to Kiss and Tell, which is not really a game but it's where I kissed a boy in secret and then proceeded to tell as many friends as I possibly could. End result: It gets back to him. He knows he didn't tell anybody. And even if he did, and I did, I wouldn't trust him. End of relationship before it even gets started.

Leading us to: Truth via Truth Or Dare. This is where it gets a little more interesting. When played with people you are attracted to, it gives you the chance to learn something about them that you didn't know - if they're truly telling the truth. Frankly, its a little too time consuming for my taste. All that "truth" getting in the way of the dare (kissing).

If you ask me, I prefer a quick game Spin the Bottle. Only problem is, the bottle never landed on the boy I wanted to kiss. YUCK.

Then as I got older the game changed: The Dating Game. "The Rules" became much more subtle and complex.

* Now, if I wanted a kiss a guy, it couldn't be on a first date.
* If I wanted to go out with him, I couldn't accept a date past Wednesday for Saturday.
* Don't see him more than once or twice a week.
* Always be the first to hang up the phone.
* Stop dating him if he doesn't buy a romantic gift for you on Valentine's Day or your Birthday.
* Don't live with him or leave your things at his place.

UGH, and the worst was when he didn't call for 3 days after he got my number.

Don't pass go. Don't collect your 200 dollars. Rules. Rules. Rules. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Talk about getting a headache. Ah, but that's a whole other game (you know - I gotta hang up because I have a headache).

What games do you play?
Even better, what games are played on you?


Then you get to even more adult games. Lets call it the game of Tit-For-Tat (which Clayton and I are grand masters of).

The game of tit-for-tat has its positives and negatives. It forces conflict as well as fostering cooperation.

Example: Sometimes Clayton tells a story that I can't bear to hear: ONE MORE TIME! So, then I tell a story that he doesn't like me to share, which causes and inevitable stalemate. We finally both retire these stories from our conversational repertoire.

A friend of mine gets so upset because her partner never chips in wash the dishes. So, she in turn, stops washing dishes until the sink piles up and there is not a clean dish left. Finally he forces himself to the sink and with a rag and not so much JOY and washes away their conflict.
Tit- for-tat. The status quo is once again.

The Rules of Engagement. This is a whole other bag of rice. The rules in the marriage process become so intricate that you'll have to wait to read our next books.

One thing I can tell you is that communicating what you perceive your rules to be and coming to a mutual understanding with your mate is a good start to the game.

Speaking of games: Clayton is sitting next to right now. While we are writing he is kissing my cheek, telling me how much he loves me.
Is that a game?
And if so, what game does he want to play?

Gotta GO...

Distance vs. D-I-S-T-A-N-C-E

Why is it that they say
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"


I just traveled 284 miles (568 round trip) for 3 glorious days in Vegas.

Most people think of guys when
it comes to Vegas getaways.

But, what happens in Vegas doesn't always have to stay in Vegas. For me its not about the gambling and the strip clubs. It's about fun, food and relaxation. My mom lives there. So, its my perfect getaway.

Its not exactly that I need to get away from Clayton per se, it's just nice to have a break.

Do you ever feel that you need
a break from your mate?

I think Couples should practice spending time apart. It gives you down time. It gives you time to think and reflect on yourself.

Absence can make the heart grow fonder,
but it can also give you a sense of
your own beauty and strength.

Some people think that being together all the time is healthy, but it can be smothering at times. This isn't good because you can lose your identity. You must keep your individuality in a relationship. Both mates should be able to stand on their own two feet - not on each others.

You shouldn't be afraid of that person's absence or that he or she will cheat. If a person is going to cheat, he or she will do it regardless. If you're afraid of this happening, you shouldn't be with that person anyway.

S-e-p-a-r-a-t-i-o-n gives you time to reflect on that person from a distance. It's not that Clayton and I didn't talk to each other when I was gone - we did. But, the distance gave us a sense of s-p-a-c-e. Without space in a relationship the relationship can become stifling and overbearing. This can happen in any relationship - even a healthy one.

When absence has truly made the heart grow fonder we experience a reconnection with our mate. We no longer focus on the pety or mundane that gets under out skin. We can now focus on the positive qualities of their personality, which allows us to rekindle the love that we have for one another.

FYI - men are often the ones
whose hearts grow fonder in
the absence of a loved one.

Men have a tendency to take a mate for granted when that person is around. But when that person is not around, they will think about those qualities that they miss. The hunger for those qualities grows and grows and grows.

I know this is true when I take a trip away from Clayton. It becomes truly clear that although he has trouble living with me 24-7, he CLEARLY can't live without me 24-7!

Not only did I have fun in the sun, wined and dined by night, and shopped till I dropped - I got to come home to a renewed relationship.