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I am so honored that Tiernan McKay quoted me in her article, "Your Sexual Past: Does He Really Need To Know?" Check it out http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/your-sexual-past-does-he-really-need-to-know/1377/1/

To Your REALationship Success!

When Do I Tell Them How Many People I Have Slept With?

When entering a new relationship many people want to know when they should do share information about their sexual history?

In a perfect world you should share information with your partner.

But, we aren't in a perfect world.

When you enter a new relationship, remember the saying
"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." No matter how cliche it sounds - its true!

Sexual history should be left in the past where it belongs except for discussions regarding health issues (HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc). Everything else is like walking the razors edge. The next step can be the best choice or worst choice you ever made.

When entering a relationship - especially a committed one that can lead to marriage - discussing a specific number shouldn't even be a topic of discussion. What is in the past should stay in the past.

But if you need to know...

When it comes to the amount of partners, usually less is more for men. Men like to think that he is only man she has ever been with...or will ever be again. And, if there have been men in the past - LESS is better. Men would rather not know about a woman's past. A guy doesn't want a girl who has slept with more people than he has (unless she is a Super Model or a one night stand. Then he doesn't really care). They like the "Madonna Whore" and they want to be the one to teach her everything. Guys don't have a problem with a number that is too low. Unfortunate but true - It's a double standard.

Women like a man who has had more experience than she has. They like the bad boy who can get any girl and he has picked HER over all the rest. What woman would say no to Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson - a man who will show her a thing or two about a thing or two while adding excitement to her life. Women like a guy who will cherish her, protect her and take a Bull by the Horn.

Uh Oh...Now you might be asking if it is ok to lie about your sexual history?

Never Lie. However, it is OK to divert the conversation by being vague. You can say, "I'm not comfortable to talk about this right now." "I don't know you well enough to have that conversation." "We don't want to go there."

Fact is, the most important thing here isn't the number of sexual partners someone has had. It is if they have a history of cheating or some kind of sexual addiction. This is a health issue. Having this information is important for you because it is the rest of your life.

When you are in a REALationship, the past number of sexual partners shouldn't matter. However, communicating and making your partner feel safe and secure is key.

Once you are in a committed relationship or thinking that you want to spend some extended amount of time in a relationship with them, it is important to communicate with them that the past is the past and they are the one that you want to be with. Make them feel secure, like there is no other.

Want A Relationship?

It is natural for us to want a partner in life. We have the desire to want to wake up next to the person we love and feel a sense of security and validity in the world. Being in a relationship, consciously, is a good thing.

If you want to attract a relationship into your life, I suggest that you put in writing what you want that relationship to look like. Write a list of things that you will look for in a partner. (If you are already in a relationship, what are some things that you can to better yourself to make your relationship more solid? Also, what are some things you can do together to create a stronger bond with one another?)

When making your list for your future partner, be specific. Realize that you might not attract the person to the exact tee, but at least you are being clear with yourself who you would like to attract into your life. What is important to you?

1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?

2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like?
Height, hair color, clothes, etc.

3. Material. What possessions are important for the other
person to have? What about career and financial?

4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.

5. Spiritual beliefs.

6. Intellect and education.

7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children,
child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for
retirement.

8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.

9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not
accept in a person?

Know who you are and what you want, use the "Law of Attraction" and take whatever steps you need to take to make that happen. Once you are there, be ready and available for commitment. Balance your heart with your head by making your relationship choices consciously. It is still exciting when you choose to Date Consciously!

Are You Exhausted?

Are you Exhausted?

Then, your prescription, which should be implemented immediately, is to:

Spend some time alone with me, myself, and I.

"There is only one journey. Going inside yourself."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Do you crave spending time alone or avoid it? [ ] Crave it [ ] Avoid it

Your alarm clock awakens you at 6am so that you can get to the office by 8am, bumper to bumper traffic, endless errands to run, cell phones ringing, text messages in your inbox, facebook, twitter, phone calls to return, faxes coming in, emails to write and respond to, back to back meetings at work, hardly a moment to eat a healthy meal at lunchtime, dinner meetings and functions to attend, weekends filled with friends, dinner parties, birthdays, weddings, and catching up to do, the next holiday to plan for, and by the time evening rolls around, its grabbing something quick and easy to eat, crashing your head against the pillow, hoping for a good nights rest, all for the next day to be a repeat of the day before.

Distraction. Distraction. Distraction.

"We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time
and no imagination left for being.
As a result, men are valued not for what they are
but for what they do or what they have-for their usefulness."
- Thomas Merton

The amount of time that Americans spend at work continues to relentlessly increase. We live in a society where fast food becomes our meals and where supermarkets, drugstores, and gas stations are open 24 hours a day, 365 (366 in leap years) days a year. Where else but in America can you buy a stereo at 4:30 in the morning if you want to? Therefore, there is little time for self, which is of utmost importance.

Being alone is the hardest thing that a person can do comfortably because they have no one to judge but themselves. When you are alone you do not have the luxury of blaming someone else because there is no one else there. Many people confuse being alone with feeling alone or loneliness. Many times people stay in unhealthy relationships because they are afraid of being alone. Many people avoid being alone because they don't want to be left alone with all that will surface - their thoughts, their fears, and their insecurities. So instead, they fill their schedule with more work, more errands, and more time with friends and family. However, it is in being alone that you get the opportunity to face all of your insecurities and deal with them. It is in spending time alone that you get the chance to get to know yourself. The most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.

Many people ask the question, "Why do I need to spend time alone?" This is an excellent question. I believe that it is essential for your growth and well being to spend time alone. People need to reflect on their lives, their day, how their emotions are affecting their day and others, how they are feeling, and for them to engage in what they enjoy doing. It is our time and chance that we get to focus on who we are as individuals.

NOTE: There are those people who end up spending too much time alone, while avoiding the world around them. I suggest that you be careful of not spending too much time alone. Being a hermit is not healthy and is the opposite extreme of not spending any time alone. Your relationships with people are what help you grow.

If you don't fall in the hermit category, for some time now, you have given up your alone time to be in a relationship, spend time with family & friends, and to work, work, and more work. Unfortunately, too often we give up our individuality to others. This can be the time for you to reclaim yours.

Reevaluate what you like to do. You do not have to be afraid of this. Embrace it. If you are uncomfortable with spending time by yourself, you might want to start off with short spans of time. You might begin with having a quiet cup of tea or coffee in the morning, or take walks by yourself.

I am not suggesting that you run out and join a monastery. However, you might be pleasantly surprised at the things that come to you when you spend time with yourself. It is a time where you can continue and deepen the tools that you have been using so far in the remedies - reflection, visualizing, feeling, and becoming self-aware. This is when you can create an opportunity to go within yourself and acknowledge even more about yourself, and change your old patterns.

"I love to shop after a relationship. I don't know.
I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."Rita Rudner

Spending time along does not mean that you have to be serious. I suggest that you have fun with you. It is a time where you can celebrate you and what you enjoy. There are many ways to take care of your mind, body and spirit. By experimenting, you can open new doors to creativity and your beauty. You don't have to be shy to do some external changes on yourself as well. Be creative with your outer beauty. We all need to do this at times. It's OK to express your external self in whatever way fits you. It is perfectly wonderful to pamper yourself, just as long as you remember that the external will not fix the internal.

"I don't believe makeup and the right hairstyle
alone can make a woman beautiful.
The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and experience." Sharon Stone

Top Ten List of doing things alone:

1. Pamper yourself with a day at the spa. Get a massage, facial, steam, sauna, and spend some time in the hot tub.
2. Make a CD or playlist with your favorite songs.
3. Beautify yourself. Get a new haircut. Change your hair color. Paint your toes and nails.
4. Take long walks, hike, run, go to the gym, go to yoga, or ride your bike that has been sitting in your garage for years.
5. Travel. Take a day trip, or mini vacation to a place you have always wanted to go and haven't.
6. Plan an outing. Go to the movies, go shopping, go to the music store and listen to some new or old CD's.
7. Relax. Read a book, take a nap, rent some old movies, take a long bubble bath by candlelight, hot oil your hair, and do a
mud mask.
8. Spend the evening alone and make yourself a nice meal or order in.
9. Be an artist. Paint, draw, color, or make a collage.
10. Meditate.

Now go and spend some time Alone with Me, Mysef and I!

Are You Riding The Rockin' Roller Coaster of Feelings?

Are you riding the rockin' roller coaster of Feelings?

If your feelings seem to control your life and if you believe that you are a victim today, you still have work to do.

If you don't get through your difficult experiences and make peace with them, you will continue to feel hurt, angry, lonely, and afraid.

When you allow yourself to continue to ride your rockin' emotions, you become a victim.

It is this simple:
If you focus on the pain and being a victim-
you will be in pain and be a victim.

You stay in the victim role for one reason:
It is your avoidance of growth.

Sometimes we choose to repeat, repeat, and repeat the same behaviors and patterns that do not serve us. We know that we want to be better, but we continue to repeat all the same.

We do this because we would much rather stay in the discomfort and drama of our current situation than move on.

But remember this: It is always up to YOU.

You may feel like you are in a frustrating and losing battle.

You might believe that relationships are unfair, unsatisfying, and that you do not get a fair chance in love.

You may attempt to harden yourself, or keep new relationships superficial.

These perspectives only keep you imprisoned in your emotional walls of self-protection.

There is little growth in the experience of being a victim.

So, what can you do to prevent yourself from being a victim, from repeating the same patterns, interacting in the same circles, attracting the same situations, and being ruled by intense feelings?

I encourage you to find a way to believe that your higher self and all of your agonizing experiences are lessons and gifts to allow you to ultimately grow into the best person you can imagine through its lessons and gifts.

If you can find a way to do this, then you will set yourself free.

The only thing that gets in your way of your goals, getting a relationship that you want, living the life of your dreams, and becoming who you want to be is - YOU.

It's time to create new habits and ways of thinking.

You may feel a bit weary about this right now; it might take some practice.

Whenever you're feeling defeated or hopeless, try saying this to yourself:

"Maybe today will be the day that I move past feeling like a victim, angry, weak, and in fear. Maybe today will be the day that I move into forgiveness, strength, and the willingness to receive the gifts from my experience."


In order to get to the depths of your psyche, it is a good idea that you learn to Release.


When your release, you set yourself free and let go of something that holds you back or confines you. If you hold onto toxic things, people, behaviors, energies, and resentments, you will have difficulty moving forward. Try to forgive yourself, move past you resentments, and let them go.


What are you trying to release in you or about you? What will hold you back from doing this work on yourself? Your fears, pains, frustrations, control, addictions, self-destructive behaviors, certain family members or friends?

Do some Spring Cleaning Within!

Do You Want A Love Relationship?

For the past few weeks, I have talked about what it takes to have a Conscious REALationship™?

We discussed putting the REAL back into REALationship & 25 Ways To Improve Your REALationship.

Today is about getting really clear about what kind of mate you want to attract into your life. A REALationship!

If you aren't in THE love relationship that you want and deserve right now, I suggest doing the "My Future Partner Exercise" below to attract that person into your life.

My Future Partner Exercise

Write a list of qualities and values that you want in a partner.

Do these qualities & values include integrity, dependability, compassion, honesty, communication, returning phone calls, showing up on time, and commitment? Or, do they include a certain amount of money, a nice car, buying you flowers and diamonds, going out for nice and romantic dinners, external looks and nice clothes. Or, do you want a mixture of them all?

Don't judge the values and qualities that you want in your mate! It is important that you are being honest with yourself in naming what is important to you.

It is also important to remember that a person is not who they say they are or who they want to be. A person is who they are showing up as. If a person tells you that they are loyal, honest and that they love you - watch their actions. Actions speak much louder than the words.

When making your list for your future partner, be specific. Realize that you might not attract the person to the exact tee, but at least you are being clear with yourself on who you would like to attract into you life. What is important to you?

1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?
2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like? Height, hair color, clothes, etc.
3. Material. What possessions are important for the other person to have? What about career and financial?
4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.
5. Spiritual beliefs.
6. Intellect and education.
7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children, child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for retirement.
8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.
9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not accept in a person?

Disclaimer: You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to give up a little to get a lot. You have to loose a few battles to win the war. It's true! In the things that are important to you in a mate, realize that we are all imperfect. But DO NOT settle for less than you deserve!

25 Ways To Improve Your REALationship

I have been talking about what it takes to have a
Conscious REALationship™?

To experience being in a REALationship™, you have to take action to make it happen.

What would your relationship look like if you focused on improving it?

In a world filled with everyday stressors, "Reality Land", many times we tend to ignore or take our relationship for granted.

If you start taking action to be in a loving & conscious REALationship, each area of your life will start to have positive effect.

Here are 25 ways to improve your REALationship:

1. Remember that you are a Team.
2. Create goals by creating vision together.
3. Have weekly date nights.
4. Ask for what you need. Nobody is a mind reader.
5. Compliment your spouse daily.
6. Send your significant other random, flirtatious text messages or emails.
7. Take care of yourself & your needs.
8. Talk to each other everyday.
9. Find similar interests.
10. Give each other space.
11. Smile and flirt with one another.
12. Watch a favorite TV show together.
13. Don't hold on to past resentments.
14. Be honest.
15. Don't ever make threats that you don't intend to carry out.
16. Cuddle.
17. Forgive.
18. Assign household chores so to share responsibilities.
19. Change yourself instead of trying to change your spouse.
20. Support each others goals.
21. Support each others hobbies.
22. Let them spend time with their friends.
23. Plan for fun trips & activities.
24. Be each others Best Friend - #1.
25. Make Love.

Begin to take action today!