Love Eris

6 Tips on Holiday Etiquette When Meeting The Parents

2011-12-22T12:37:00.000-08:00

Concerned that your first interaction with your spouse's parents this holiday season will resemble a scene from Meet the Parents? For the most part, meeting the parents for the first time can feel nerve wrecking, but most will go out of the way to make you feel right at home. Still, some preparation is a good idea.

I went to Beverly Hills Manners Etiquette expert, Lisa Gache, for her tips on proper etiquette when meeting your partner's parents.

Lisa says that "In order to ensure your best impression and curry favor with your potential future in-laws, it's better to err on the side of friendly and formal."

1. Use a Formal Greeting. Upon your first meeting, rather than go straight in for a hug that may not be reciprocated, be respectful and offer a friendly handshake instead. Remember to extend your right hand, shake web-to-web with two pumps and then release. Address the parents by using their titles and surnames (Hello Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it is a pleasure to finally meet you) and wait for them to give you permission to call them by their first names.

2. Be a Gracious Houseguest. Play by the house rules and keep your belongings neat and tidy. Nobody wants to entertain a rude or sloppy houseguest. Stick to the same rising and bedtime schedule as the rest of the household. Keep your personal items organized. Make your bed and be mindful of bathroom time.

3. Offer to Help with the Cooking & Cleaning. Even if cooking and cleaning is not your forté, when you are a guest in someone else's home, offer to pitch in and be helpful in any way you can. Set the table, clean the dishes, hand spices to the chef, sweep the floor, the possibilities are endless! Whatever you do, do not act as if you are staying in a hotel and expect to be waited on hand-and-foot.

4. Use the Magic Words & Be Free w/Compliments. A gracious houseguest will use the five main magic words: please, thank you, you're welcome, I'm sorry and excuse me, without abandon. They will also be free with the compliments making sure to recognize the hostess of the house, their significant other and any other family members by acknowledging them with favorable words.

5. Listen More than You Speak. Keep the conversation flowing, but make sure to ask questions and listen to the answers. When it's your turn to speak, do not give one word answers. Stick to safe topics such as the weather, sports, cultural events and seasonal topics. Do not divulge the skeletons in your closet. Some things are better left unsaid.

6. Say Thank You & Be Invited Back. At the end of your stay, purchase a small gift for the host (such as an item for the home or a small plant) and write a thoughtful handwritten thank you note detailing the highlights of your stay. This will ensure you are invited back again in the future and is guaranteed to make your significant other very happy.

Lisa Gaché has been featured on CNN, NPR, KTLA-TV and "The Today Show," and in popular publications from USA Today, Los Angeles Times, NY Daily News and the New York Post to Woman's Day magazine. Her online contributions range from AOL to The Huffington Post, and she has been a guest expert on a number of shows including CBS' "The Doctors," VH1's "Charm School" and "Living with Ed"(Discovery Channel). Visit her website at beverlyhillsmanners.com

Has He Fallen Out Of Love With You?

2011-12-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

The popular relationship site, Love Curriculum, answers your relationship questions. This week I answered a readers question on her boyfriend who has fallen out of love.

"I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years. We currently live together. I don't know where I stand with him. Only his close friends and his staff know about me.

He has not even told his parents about me, as they continually try to "hook him up" with other women. They do live in another country, but I feel that they should still know about me.

Recently, he has been having a lot of visits from a neighbor of ours. When I return home she leaves 5 minutes after I arrive or leaves right away. I have found some disturbing texts between her and him where he describes me as his "housemate".

He used to express that he loved me. But just recently I asked him if he loved me and he responded, "I care about you" - What should I do?"

I answered her question here. Let me know what you think!

2011-11-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

How To Show Your Spouse You Love Them

2011-10-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

Each person shows love and likes to receive love differently. Some like words of affirmation while others like to be kissed, cuddled and spend quality time together. Some like to receive gifts or have some help around the house. Other people like to communicate and have long talks.

Everyone is different.

The important thing for you to figure out is what your partner needs from you to show them that you love them.

Many times we know what our partners want but we are unwilling to give it. We might do this because we feel like we aren't getting in return or there is so much water under the bridge that we are unwilling to give in.

If you want your relationship to work you are going to have to Get Over It and move forward. You might have to give a little to get a lot.

REAL GIVING is showing and giving to your partner their wants and needs whether we understand it or not. Whether we like it or not. Whether we agree with it or not.

You might not understand how somebody could want these things. It might be totally unnatural for you. Well, It doesn't matter. You don't have to understand it. All you have to do is love your spouse and know what makes them tick.

Do you give to your spouse what is important to you or what is important to them? Answer Honestly.

Here is a little exercise for you to get closer to showing your partner that you love them.

Write the top 3-5 things you can do for your partner so that they will feel loved.

Write the top 3-5 things that your partner can do for you in order for you to feel loved.

The Bounce Back Rebound Questionnaire

2011-05-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

If you choose to be in a relationship shortly after your last, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I a serial monogamist? Do I have a history of going from relationship to relationship? [ ] yes [ ] no
Am I tring to fill a void right now? [ ] yes [ ] no
Is my ex in a rebound relationship and am I trying to prove a point? [ ] yes [ ] no
When I am out with this person, do I think about my ex often? [ ] yes [ ] no
Are my old patterns coming up again? [ ] yes [ ] no

If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then you might want to reconsider being in a rebound relationship. I am not saying that you should not go out and have fun. But, this might be a good time to take a time out from dating to reflect and grow.

Date YOURSELF!

If your old patterns are coming to the surface again, and you are not ready to change them, then it is, simply put, too soon to be in love again.

Even if you much prefer being in a relationship over being single, it's really important to learn how to be secure alone and have fun on your own. If you need someone to go to the movies, dinner, and the gym with, ask a friend. That's what friends are for. And, what about getting comfortable with your independence? A healthy relationship can only be built by two strong individuals, and becoming stron in yourself takes time.

Once you feel like you have healed your broken heart then go out and Date!

Love, Eris

P.S. For more info and questionnaires like this get Break-Up Emergency in hard copy or E-book now.

FREE MP3 on How To Heal Your Broken Heart

2011-02-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Check out my interview with @SavvyDivorcdChk on How To Heal Your Broken Heart. There are tools that you can start using right now. Once you listen to this you will be well on your way to getting into a relationship that you want and deserve! Enjoy!!

http://eris.audioacrobat.com/download/576ec5cb-8bc4-62a5-0601-870ffd2406d5.mp3

How The Broken Hearted Can Survive Valentine's Day

2011-02-08T05:07:00.000-08:00

Surviving a Breakup on Valentine's Day doesn't have to be all doom and gloom.

With a focus on getting over it, moving on, and finding the positive in a so called "negative" situation, men and women can get real concrete steps and insight to go from Break UP to Break THROUGH and Beyond.

The fact is that everywhere you look in February is images of couples kissing, candy, hearts, and love, love, love.

It is a shame that people who are not in a relationship are made to feel bad on Valentines Day.

To make matters worse, if you are already feeling alone, then this day can trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and emotions. However, all of this hype can trick you into putting just as much focus on this holiday as society does. This can be unwarranted as well as unhealthy.

I suggest that you change your perception of this day. Its just another day, and not being in a relationship right now is not the end of the world.

If you follow these simple steps this can be the first day of the rest of your life.

1. Don't wallow in self-pity.

Get out of bed! It's a Break UP not a Break DOWN. Your relationship ending does not mean that your life is over; it means that it is about to begin.

2. Today is a time for new beginnings.

Now that you are single, you have space for a new mate in your life - someone better than your last. Become clear about the kind of person you want to attract into your life next.

3. Spend some time alone with "me, myself and I."

Contemplate what you want to start doing with your life next. It is what I call, "Map Questing" your life.

4. Get up and get out!

Be around people & socialize. Go to the park, get a cup of coffee, go shopping. While you are out and about, flirt or make eye contact with someone new.

5. In the evening, go to a singles event or create one.

Celebrate by inviting your single friends over for a cocktail party. Ask each person to bring another single friend to the party.

6. The next day reflect on your Valentine's Day. How is your life going to be different from here on out? What kind of mate do you want to attract in your life next?

P.S. I have a Special Valentine's Day Survival Kit For You. If you want to Heal Your Broken Heart FAST, I highly recommend my 7 Simple Step System to Heal Your Broken Heart and Begin To Date.

It is on Sale for Valentine's Day! Go to this link http://www.loveeris.com/shop.php. It's the 2nd item in my shop.

Here's What you'll get in your "Break Through Success" Package :

· 6 Eco Friendly MP3's that will take you from Break UP to Break THROUGH & Begin to Date. Listen to them in your computer, car stereo, or other CD player. You'll want to listen to these over and over.

· PDF Workbook Exercises (151 Pages!) to take you through the program step-by-step.

· A FREE copy of the E-Book Break-Up Emergency. A Guide To Transform Your Break UP Into A Break THROUGH.

· A FREE copy of the E-Book Break UP, Break THROUGH & BEYOND. In 7 Simple Steps.

Make right now be the time that you FINALLY healed your broken heart, stop attracting the same mates into your life, and attract the relationship that you want and deserve in 2011! Grab your Valentine's Day Survival Kit on SALE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY! http://www.loveeris.com/shop.php

On-Line Love Stories

2011-01-20T06:29:00.000-08:00

I am a firm believer that when you are ready to attract love into your life, you should be willing to put as much energy into finding IT as you would looking for a new job. That includes putting on-line dating onto your agenda.

I know. I know. I hear complaints everyday from my clients and friends about their experiences from On-line dating. I’ve heard it all. “The guys are just gross.” “All of the people I have met on-line are losers.” “I never meet anyone compatible with me on-line.”

Well, if you keep having that negative perspective, that is exactly what you will get – gross losers who are not compatible with you. Whatever energy and thoughts that put out there is exactly what you will get back.

I have news for you: If you believe that you deserve to have love in your life, then love is what you will get. You just have to find a way to believe it deep down inside of yourself.

The fact is that every year hundreds of thousands of people find love on-line. So, if this statistic is a FACT, why should you not be included?

Read these love stories that developed online. Hopefully they will inspire you to get back online – or shift your perspective.

I married the love of my life this past February, after we met online in September 2008. I had been on OKCupid for about 3 weeks, and my husband who never used an online dating site was on the site about 10 minutes. He hadn’t even finished his profile when I sent him a message. We chatted on Yahoo IM for countless hours before we met in person 3 days later.

I was 47 at the time and he was 42. We’d both been married before and both swore we’d never do it again. Only when you meet the person of your dreams, things change. We are both happier than we’ve ever been in our lives, and have no problem with anyone knowing we met online. My husband is the man I dreamed of my whole life but never thought even existed. I am filled with gratitude every single day that I found him and he loves me.

My husband and I met online at the “turn of the century” (2000), long before internet dating was as popular as it is today. Because we lived in different towns, we corresponded by email for a few months before actually meeting face to face. Shortly thereafter we got engaged, and we’ll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in April of next year.

Our friends and family were skeptical at first, and my brother even teased me about it in his toast at our wedding. But I guess we were just ahead of our time. We were absolutely made for each other, and we are certain we would never have met any other way. By the way, I was in my late 30′s and he was in his mid-40′s when we first met, so it is possible to find love online at any age!

My husband & I met on Match.com almost 9 years ago & have been happily married 6 years. It’s one of those blessed relationships that just keeps getting better – more fun, more love-filled. I was 45 y.o. at the time we met & had never been married. Dale had been married and divorced twice. Neither of us were good risks statistically. The internet really helped us wade through a lot of people who weren’t good matches for us. For instance, we both wanted people who didn’t drink which isn’t that common. Dale tells the story of receiving 10 possible matches meeting his criteria & then prioritizing them. Fortunately, I ended up at the top of the list. From his very first email that said nothing more than “Hey Miss Josey Lee, check me out. I’m Plant Man,” I had a special feeling about him. We wrote & spoke by phone, met 3 weeks later, and the rest is history. I got onto Match because I listened to a friend and my intuition. I wasn’t at all excited about it and never expected to meet anyone, expecially not my true love. Match didn’t work for my friend, however, because she wasn’t truly open & ready (still hung up on an unavailable man.)

Hi, I met my current partner, on-line two years ago. I had recently come out of a 10-year relationship, and joined chemistry.com, and within two weeks, met the man I am going to marry. Zac lived in Puerto Vallarta, at the time, and I had seen him on a trip I had taken to Puerto Vallarta while I was on Chemistry. I didn’t know it was him, and he didn’t know it was me. We met on line a few days later when I returned home to San Francisco – he emailed me, when he saw my ad. We still didn’t know we had seen each other. Within two weeks of meeting on-line, and Skyping for several hours a night, we also found out that we had lived across the street from each other when we lived in Seattle, that he had waited on me at a restaurant, and that one of my employees was best friends with his brother-in-law’s best friend. It was like we were meant to meet. Since then, a month after we met, I moved to Mexico with him for a year, and we just recently moved back to the States, and now live together in Dallas.

I live in Los Angeles, where it is notoriously difficult to meet people out in the “real world” if you’re over 30. So, in 2001, I decided to dismiss the stigmas attached to online dating and gave it a shot. I tried it on and off for about four years, met some nice guys (not a creep among them, one became one of my best friends) and had some short-term relationships. Two months out of being in a truly horrendous, year-long relationship with someone I had known for a very long time, I decided to get back online.

One of the first emails I got was a beautifully written, personalized, properly punctuated and spell-checked email. I looked at his profile; it said very little about who he was, though it was kind of witty. Worse still, there were three photos—–one of him in something like a medieval Viking mask with his arms up in the air, the second of him far away and in a group and in the third he was in in profile, with sunglasses on and holding the end of (gasp) what looked to be a beer bong! My first thought, “Meat head.” But I didn’t send him my stock rejection response, I just let it sit in my inbox for a month. When I reread it I thought, “This guy is definitely smart and articulate, and that counts for a lot in my book.” So I wrote him back, asking him some pointed questions and requested a REAL photo. I recall sitting at work, watching the picture load and seeing these breath-taking feline green eyes appear! The long-and-short of it is, he turned out to be a true gentleman, intelligent, kind, romantic and much more, and we’ve been together for over five years, married for two and a half. And I was only his sixth online date…..

Hi – here’s our story, and what a great one it is: About five years ago I took another guy to a black tie-optional event. He was still hungry after a few hours of nibbling on hors d’oeuvres, so he suggested we go to (I’m not kidding) Denny’s. As I sat across from him in Denny’s , watching him eat his Moon over My Hammy while I was still wearing my floor-length black Armani gown and custom-made cashmere coat, I vowed that I would never date again. Then six months later I briefly snuck out of dating retirement to meet one more guy who seemed too good to be true. Either way, this was really my very last date. I would either marry him or retire permanently. I was 48 at the time, single for almost 15 years, and had had enough.

In my heart of hearts, my dream guy would be a widower who had been happily married. And, he had to be 6’6”, since I am 6’2”. What were the odds? So imagine my surprise when I met Mike, 6’8” (he played basketball for VA Tech back in the ‘70’s), who had lost his wife of nearly 30 years. I was his first phone call, his first date and his first kiss. Ten days later he got off of the online dating site and said he wanted to see where we went. We married three years ago this past October and we are still ecstatically happy – and a symbol of hope to all of our family and friends.

If you missed my article on the Do’s and Don’ts of On-line Dating see previous article.

Love, Eris

Do’s And Don’ts Of On-Line Dating

2011-01-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

It has been years now since on-line dating has taken the internet by storm, being THE Hot Spot for singles looking for love. If you have been disappointed in the old school way of dating, then on-line dating is the way to go.

Of course there are drawbacks to dating on-line, such as being lied to or mislead. But that can happen to you any way you go about dating. Searching for “the one” on dating sites can open your world to millions of singles you would never met otherwise.

So, ask yourself, “what if my soulmate is on E-harmony or Match and I was too stubborn or had excuses not to join?” That would be sad…

If you think that you have been there, done that with on-line dating, give it one more shot. Let the universe know that you are ready to call in “The One.”

This time give it your all.

Make sure that you have a great full body shot, and a nice head shot. Have a friend or dating coach help you with your profile. When you decide on the first time to meet in person, make sure that it is in a public place. Coffee or a drink is very noncommittal and easy to end. Never do the “my place or yours” on a first date. Also, make sure that you tell a friend the name of the person and place that you are going on a date with. You can use sources such as www.womansavers.com to see if there are any danger signals that have been reported about your date.

I also wanted to add some Do’s and Don’ts of on-line dating from the authors of the Hot Chick book series, which includes HOW TO LOVE LIKE A HOT CHICK: THE GIRLFRIEND TO GIRLFRIEND GUIDE TO GETTING THE LOVE YOU DESERVE. They say:

DO’s

DO RESEARCH

Online dating can be a bit of an investment, so don’t just sign up for E- Harmony because their commercials make you cry. Read about all of the different dating sites and find the one that suits you best.

DO BE PICKY

Treat meeting guys online the same way you treat meeting guys at a bar. You wouldn’t go out with just any sloppy drunk dude who winks at you. (At least, we hope not!) Be selective and pay attention to your ultra important Hot Chick intuition. There should at least be something about him that piques your interest for him to deserve your time and attention.

DO PLAY IT SAFE

Not to scare you, but you actually can’t be one hundred percent certain that a guy online is who he says he is. Again, intuition is key, but you should also follow these rules: First, always meet in a public, safe place. If he suggests meeting at a sketchy park after dark, go ahead and suggest an alternative. Second, always tell someone where you are meeting and who you are meeting, just on the off-chance that he happens to be a criminal with a cage in his basement.

DO BE HONEST

You are a Hot Chick, and there is absolutely no need to lie about your age, race, size, or career. You don’t want to get caught in a lie on your first date. You also don’t want to see a look of disappointment in his eyes when you’re not the 5’10, 105 pound supermodel you claimed to be. He’d probably prefer the real you, anyway, so give yourself a chance to make a good impression.

DO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

There are so many people online that it can be totally confusing and overwhelming for everyone. So if you see someone who catches your eye, don’t you dare click off the screen and hope that he notices you, too! You may not even come up in his “search” for some random reason. This is way easier than asking a guy out in person, and you have absolutely nothing to lose.

DON’TS:

DON’T BE A CYBER-WHORE

Please don’t be so desperate and narcissistic that you have to be on every single site just so that every single guy has the pleasure of looking at you. Don’t confuse the universe* by telling it that you will date anyone from any site. Plus, do you really have time to check seventeen profiles? If you do, then you’re probably about to lose your job, so start putting some more time into other areas of your life.

DON’T BE A TEASE

Ladies, do not let the anonymity of the internet turn you into a flirty little sex kitten who writes sassy seductive emails and sends nude photos but then freezes up when the recipient of those sexy emails finally asks to meet you face to face. Have some respect for yourself, ladies; you don’t need to pretend to be some porn star to get attention from a man. Show some respect for him, too, and stop leading him on. Work at being genuine about your sexuality, instead, and if you can’t walk the walk…just shut your mouth (or turn off your Blackberry).

DON’T BE TOO PICKY

Yes, we already told you not to date every guy online who asks, but you can’t be too picky, either. So if you’re gonna go fishing, don’t just catch them to throw them back! If you’ve already hooked them, then why not just give them a taste? It’s a waste of time money and energy if you’re just going to browse. It’s like buying an expensive pair of heels and then never wearing them because you’re afraid they may give you a blister. If you don’t give them a chance, how will you know if they fit just right? Again, use your intuition, and if you’re not 100% sure that you’re not into him, why not give him one chance?

DON’T GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT

This is not just dating, ladies, it is online dating, which can be hugely impersonal. So don’t take things personally. So what if you’re not getting flooded with as many emails as you’d like? Then start making the first move. And who cares if some of those guys ignore you completely? Maybe they have wives and babies and are just online doing research for a book. Our point is simply that there is no reason to cry over a guy you’ve never met just because he seemed cool on a web page. Please don’t give the Internet that much power.

DON’T OBSESS

We are happy that you are committed to looking for love, but please do not make a career out of online dating. This is merely a tool to help you meet men that you might not normally have the chance to meet. This should not occupy every minute of your life, and you should not shut down and stop meeting men in regular life, too. Keep those hot vibes flowing all day long and go on dates with a mix of people you meet at the mall, at the market, online, and everywhere else. We want you to use this tool for its purpose, but remember to power down your I-book once in a while and get out into the world. Too much surfing and you might just drown.

Can I Win Him Back After He Dumped Me?

2011-01-13T13:39:00.001-08:00

We have all, at some point and time, experienced a very bad break-up.

Out of the blue he tells you that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, or that he’s no longer “in love” with you, or he’ll no longer call or text you 10 times a day, or the worst – he’s seeing someone else (or wants to).

Or, even worse you share a mortgage and kids together!

Suddenly, you feel like your life is over and you’ll never find a guy like him again.

You feel helpless and alone.

I get it. I’ve been there!

One of my clients, Sheri, emailed me this letter:

Dear Eris,

I have been dating this guy for the past 4 months. I am totally in love with him. We got along wonderfully, liked the same things, and had similar goals and values. We loved to spend time together. He would call me three times a day and texted and e-mailed more. I met his friends and family. He told me that I was the one for him. I felt that he was the one for me. It seemed as if everything was positive with no negatives.

Then, out of the blue, things began to change. He slowed down on the calls. He didn’t want to see me. So, I called him. He informed me that his friends set him up on a date and he realized that he wasn’t ready to settle down. I said, “What about me and us?!” He informed me that he didn’t have feelings for me and he still needed time to explore.

I was (and still am) devastated. I thought that he was the one. This is so hard because my feelings for him won’t go away. I don’t know what to do. I want to be his friend in the hopes that he will come back to me. I want to win him back. I feel like we are meant to be together.

I cry every day. I can’t sleep at night. I’m trying to keep busy but its not working. We still talk once in a while but he doesn’t want to get together. My hurt doesn’t go away. What can I do to get him back to me? Please Help!!!

Love, Sheri

I totally know how Sherri feels. I have been there. In fact, the man that I thought was my “soul mate”, ended things without a warning. We were planning our future together and I felt in my heart that he was “the one”. Or, so I thought.

I was devastated when he dumped me. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop crying, and couldn’t manage my life without him.

What was even harder for me to except was the reality was that our relationship was O-V-E-R. He didn’t want to be with me anymore and I had a difficult time understanding why.

That break up was actually what inspired me to write my book Break-Up Emergency, my first step in becoming a relationship expert and helping people heal their broken hearts.

That being said, I suggest to Sheri, and so many other people going through this experience, to not try and win him back. I know how difficult this might be to hear right now – but, the reality is that you are no longer together. All to often when a relationship ends, we dwell on what our ex did, is doing, or how to win them back.

This is NOT a good idea.

For now, I suggest that you erase his number, don’t text, e-mail, IM, drive by his house, show up where he goes, etc. (trust me, I know because I have been there).

During this time of healing your broken heart, you might experience fear, confusion, and intense emotions. I know that I did. If you do, I suggest that you write down or put a voice to whatever you are feeling, figure out what you can do about it, and do it. If you focus on healing your broken heart and set it as your most important intention right now, you will.

If you are meant to be together it will happen – eventually. But, not because you make it happen. (Trust me, there are no magical or manipulative tools that you can use to win him back.) The only thing you can do is take care of you, get your power back, and become a strong individual.

Once you heal and become strong within yourself and get a hold of your feminine, you will give yourself the opportunity to attract a man who will give you the love that you want and deserve.

Many times we need to go through difficult experiences in order to change. So, the good news is that your relationship ending does not mean that your life is over. It means that it is about to begin!

Start reflecting on yourself and take an honest look at yourself in the mirror. You can use this Break UP experience and make it a Break THROUGH.

Love, Eris

5 Dating Etiquette Do’s & Don’ts for Men & Women

2011-01-06T09:10:00.001-08:00

Are there rules when it comes to dating? Of course there are!

There was a time when dating was simple. Men were expected to be gentlemen and women were expected to be lady like. Their roles were clear-cut. Today singles are confused on how to behave on a date. The lines are blurred between the once widely accepted gender stereotypes.

Being in the “dating game” in this day and age can be quite traumatic without knowing the rules. So, I turned to Lisa Gache, Miss Manners and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners, who says “manners are the glue that holds everything together. They are like an inner GPS, a navigation system guiding us in the right direction and helping us to find our way. Manners are dynamic, ever-changing and they are very personal, yet they are always chic and always in style.”

Here are the Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Etiquette that Beverly Hills Manners says you must know when you date.

Set the tone beforehand. Make sure you are well-groomed from head-to-toe before meeting your date. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Select an ensemble that is classic and elegant and that is complementary to your physique. Subtlety is key. The goal is to enhance your natural features while looking like you have made an effort.

Brush up on current events. Dating involves making pleasant conversation. Read a national newspaper, go online or browse your local cultural calendar. It is much more appealing to speak with someone who is equally well-read and well-rounded. Stay away from using slang or swear words during conversation if you want to sound intelligent.

Listen, be interested and ask thoughtful questions. Make your date feel like they’re the only person in the room. Be present, maintain good eye contact, ask questions and listen to the answers. This is the best way to show that you care. Compliments are also always welcome.

Use proper table manners. Since most dating takes place while dining, these skills are more important than you think. Place your napkin in your lap. Use the continental style of eating with the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right. Hold a glass of white wine or champagne by the stem and a glass of red wine by the base. Do remember to speak politely to the restaurant staff.

Wear a good sense of humor and a smile. Suitors prefer dates who are uplifting, positive and fun. Smiling and laughter helps you appear younger while simultaneously makes you more attractive and appealing to others.

DON’T

Overdo the cologne or perfume. An application of just the right amount will send a potential suitor into overdrive, but an overbearing waft of a strong scent is enough to repel a skunk. Wear enough perfume so you catch just a hint of the scent. You want to enhance your appeal rather than detract from it.

Reveal too much too soon. Act like a lady or a gentleman and be discreet with your personal information. You do not need to offer your entire life story in the first meeting. Remain a bit mysterious to heighten the desire and secure an additional date.

Speak rudely or act arrogantly towards others. Be courteous and thoughtful to your date as well as others. This includes the wait staff, a coffee barista, a gas station attendant or anyone else you interact with or who has provided you a service. Rudeness and arrogance are negative attributes that will leave your date wondering how quickly he or she can end it!

Arrive late for your date. Unless an accident has occurred or someone is sick, arriving late for a date is a sign of disrespect and sends a message that you may have more important business to attend to. At the very least, have the courtesy to phone your date to let them know you are running behind. Plan ahead so that you are well-organized and allow enough time for traveling, etc.

Forget to say thank you. If you have been asked out on a date, whether it involves a casual meeting for drinks or an elaborate dinner for two, don’t forget to say thank you. Your thanks should be made in person once the date is complete and may also be followed up with a thank you email, text or handwritten note depending upon the formality of the occasion.

For more information on Lisa Gache go to www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.

Astrological Love Trends For 2011

2011-01-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Astrology can be used as a powerful—and fun—tool for understanding ourselves, others, and the world around us. When I was a young girl, I would anxiously await for the Sunday Paper to arrive – not read the major headlines, but to find out what Aquarians were expected to experience that week or month, even year.

I am not alone with my curiosity of what lies ahead. We want to know if we will find love and enjoy a lifelong romance. We want to know if we are on the “right” path. We delve in because we want to think that there is some sort of plan to it all. Or, to give us a sense of relief. Or, maybe we are interested simply out of sheer fascination.

Well, my curiosity was peeked when one of the world’s most popular astrologers, Michelle Perrin, aka Astrology Detective, approached me with an astrological angle of Love Relationship Trends in 2011. She informed me that there will be a lot of major era-defining planetary shifts going on in 2011 that will affect love and romance. I just had to find out what she had to say.

Perrin has worked as researcher for one of the columns on Jonathan Cainer’s (astrologer for Hello!, The Daily Mirror, people.com and others) before settling in Paris and starting her own practice. Here is what The Astrology Detective had to say about the 2011’s Romantic Trends:

*2011 is a pivotal year astrologically, with many major planetary shifts. We can see the past decade as a bit of an era, and we are now moving into the next phase.

*We are moving away from relationships that are based on fear and need of security, or anxiety about being judged (especially by other women), to truly authentic relationships that are unique and liberating. (Uranus is leaving Pisces where it has been since 2003, entering Aries).

*Men will step up and take a greater role in the partnership dynamic. End of the Mean Girls – Desperate Housewives era. Women will care more about the men in their lives and achieving love, instead of trying to measure up to perfectionist standards. (Uranus is leaving Pisces, entering Aries).

*Love will be based on fun, adventure and spontaneity (Uranus is leaving Pisces, entering Aries).

*There will be New Romanticism, need for a soul mate. Love will become saturated in poetry and be more about achieving a unique spiritual union, as opposed to making the right choice to run a household. (Neptune leaving Aquarius where it has been since 1998; entering it’s ruler Pisces)

*Commitment is in; casual sex is out (Saturn in Libra)

*Decline of internet dating (Neptune is leaving Aquarius where it has been since 1998; entering it’s ruler Pisces)

WHAT’S TO CHANGE:

Uranus is now moving into Aries, the first sign of the zodiac – and therefore starting a new 84-year cycle. Aries is the sign of the adventurer, the risk-taker. Rebellious Uranus will be much more at home in this sign. People will be ready to break away from stagnant love affairs that were good “contracts” and instead want to be with a partner that brings them excitement, adventure and love. We are moving into a more fluid and spontaneous period where people will be willing to take risks. As Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, there will be a youthful naivete and purity to love relationships.

Aries is also a masculine sign, so men will start to make a comeback and take a leading-man role in relationships. They will not be relegated to the silent partner while the women take center stage, as has been the case recently. Men are more likely to set the tone in relationships, and be far more adventurous, strong and protective. Women will be happy to be liberated of wearing the pants, and be happy to be swept off their feet to a realm of action for a change.

For more information from Michelle Perrin, go to Astrologydetective.com

Let me know your thoughts.

2010 Hollywood Romances That Bite The Dust

2011-01-05T06:26:00.000-08:00

Another year, another “Hollywood Romance” bites the dust. I don’t find pleasure with these tabloid headlines. What I find is two human beings that are struggling with love, like we all do, from coast to coast, world wide. They decided to call it quits. Maybe they could have chose

n to work through their problems together and become an even stronger couple. Maybe they couldn’t and needed to get out.

Nonetheless, many of these break-ups left us speechless because WE wanted and needed them to work out to give us hope in our own lives. These people are just PEOPLE, modern day heros – sex symbols and acolytes of the Silver & Small Screen.

One of the most recent shockers is when two of the sexiest people alive split, Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds. Another one bites the dust. What the heck? Whether on opposite sides of the globe or in the same bedroom, why can they not make it work?

Another one bites the dust. Sandra Bullock & Jesse James. America’s Sweetheart was cheated on by Reality TV’s bad boy. Ladies, the Bad Boy is probably NOT going to change.

Another one bites the dust. Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes. Did Kate catch the so-called Best Actress Oscar winning curse shared by her cohorts – Reese Witherspoon, Halle Berry, Hilary Swank, and Sandra Bullock? After 7 years of marriage and a little boy, the couple claims that their split was amicable and by mutual agreement. Hopefully they have found their way through a conscious divorce for their little one’s sake.

Another one bites the dust. Courtney Cox & David Arquette. The couple agreed upon a trial separation to better understand themselves and what they are actually looking for in a partner.

Another one bites the dust. Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron. The young stars of the High School Musical decided to sing different tunes and remain “friends”. Our hearts break when we see this puppy love die. But, the good news is that they decided to call it quits instead of getting hitched too young, not knowing who they are and what they really want.

Another one bites the dust. Billy Ray & Tish Cyrus. After 17-years the married couple, with five children say farewell. Wow! After 17 years of marriage & 5 kids, they decided not to take the steps to avoid divorce. Or, maybe they did and they still decided to go separate ways.

Another one bites the dust. Al & Tipper Gore. These high school sweethearts and models of fidelity and family values, surprised us all when they announced their separation right after their 40 year anniversary. Really?

So, why do these Hollywood romances fail? They live in a world where nobody says no to them. Maybe some believe that their real life romances will mirror the ones they experience in their scripts. And then there is the theory of what happens on set stays on set. Or, does it? Many times they leave their real domestic lives behind to play another character in another relationship where it is easier to commit infidelity.

Why can’t we make it work? We are all just people. Sometimes you just can’t make it work. Sometimes you can – but it takes work. This includes handling conflict in a constructive manner, agreeing to disagree, taking a marriage class or seeing a solution focused counselor, focusing on the positives instead of negatives, giving each other what each wants and needs, and of course spending time together flirting, communicating and doing whatever it takes to keep the passion alive.

CELEB COUPLES Who’s A Cool Couple And Who’s A Hot Mess???

2010-12-05T17:12:00.000-08:00

Will They Or Won’t They Last? That is the question when you are dealing with high profile celebrity couples.

It’s easy for the rich and famous to tie the knot in a multi million dollar fairy tale wedding. But, then when they get a taste of trying to trying to keep their romance private mixed with a high profile career, It is sometimes easier to untie the knot then to stay together.

That being said, we stay glued to tabloid magazines, entertainment television and the internet to find out if they are going to make it or not…and the drama in between.

I asked Kerri Hopkins, Creator of Namezook.com /Author Breaking the Name Code – Define your name – design your life, about some of our newest and favorite celeb couples – Kate & William, the newest Kim Kardashian and Gabe the Babe, his ex Halle Berry and Oliver, Jessica Simpson & Eric Johnson, and Nick Lache & Vanessa. I even asked why she thinks Eva and Tony broke up.

Kerri Hopkins did some extensive research on these celebrity romances, based on their names, and this is what she had to say:

Kate and her Prince William

The good news is I don’t see an expiration date on their marriage to-be but, a Kate is a no-non sense, “take charge”, “gets what she wants” type person. A Will is witty, has a pleasant demeanor and sees the “big picture”. A Will has grand, big ideas, but isn’t great with details. Kate has follow through; so, these two are compatible on that level. But, a Kate needs things done her way – so she’ll master the art of charming Will into doing things her way. Ultimately this isn’t going to work for a William – because he’ll get tired of always compromising. I think he’ll act out just to show Kate that he’s not a push-over and I see Kate being an immensely frustrated princess.

Kim Kardashiam and Gabe the Babe

Kim Kardashian is dating Halle Berry’s hunkin’ ex – Gabriel Aubry .. what do their names say about their compatibility?? Well, they’re both fun and are both money motivated. Gabriel craves love, acceptance and is slow to trust. Kims are good looking, independent and very sleuth-like. She’ll know his Net worth, the history of every past girlfriend and his email password by their 3^rd date. As for Gabriel, he’s the easy going, fun loving, “go along with whatever Kim wants” type person; Gabriel will be part of the fun in the good times and supportive in the bad times .. he’s great boyfriend material but a person named Kim gets opportunities falling her lap all day long – they’re very fortunate people – so I think Kim’s going to gobble him up and spit him out as soon as another hunky guy with more money comes her way.

Has Halle Berry Found True Love With Olivier Martinez?

Based on their names – I don’t think Oliver’s Mr. Right – but I do think he’s Mr. Close. A Halle has a money-happiness link. So she needs to be surrounded by all the comforts in life. As long as Olivier has successfully invested the monies from his 20 year movie career – Halle will be a happy camper and put up with Olivier’s stubbornness, boldness and his need to always be surrounded by people and activity.

Olivier will love that Halle is fun loving and that she has tons of love to share. They both crave approval and acceptance from others – to feel good about themselves. Olivier is more difficult to deal with – he speaks and acts with convictions and will defend himself to the bitter end – just to be right. Halle is more compromising and accommodating. Halle’s middle name is “Maria”; and while Marias are capable, take charge people; for some odd reason they end up with partner’s they can’t control – and no one’s controlling an Olivier!

Jessica Simpson & fiance Eric Johnson

If a happy marriage were compared to food – then Jessica & Eric’s marriage will be Minute Rice. Eric will be unconventional, unpredictable, creative and moody. He’s out to prove himself, on his terms and will not be told what to do. A Jessica is dramatic and all about herself. As long as he praises her, and let’s her have her way – they’ll get along great, but when she tries bossing him around, the arguments will begin. An Eric is a king of avoidance and hates to be told what to do. His detached attitude will ignite Jessica’s fuse which is attached to emotional dynamite. I expect huge blow ups privately & publicly from this couple – but not until Eric has legally attached himself to Jessica’s fashion line fortune.

Nick Lache and Vanessa Minnillo

Nick went from one drama queen to another. Nick’s are nice, friendly, accommodating people. Vanessa is all about her. She’s high maintenance, good looking, dramatic and needs to be admired and appreciated – all of the time. As long as Nick keeps her in spa treatments and Manolo Blahnik shoes, she’ll be happy, but if they ever have money problems – Vanessa will give Nick a quick history lesson – and be in his past.

Eva & Tony’s break up

Eva is a “happily ever after” type person. A person named Tony is more of a happily ever after-noon type person. An Eva is a good looking, high maintenance person who needs to be admired and appreciated. She’s also sassy and self assured. Tony loved this about her. I’m guessing Tony didn’t tell her enough how much he admired and adored her; so, Eva shut him off emotionally. A person named Tony is charming and always has a “plan B”- so when he doesn’t get what he wants – he’ll find it somewhere else. Not to worry Eva – you’re as hot as a blow torch – so you’ll have no problem finding a replacement – just make sure next time you find a guy who’ll adore you, appreciate your feistiness and will make you feel loved on a daily basis.

For more on Name Analysis and Kerri Hopkins, go to Namezook.com

Let me know your thoughts!

How To Have Better Sex Tonight

2010-12-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

Sex is usually pretty free and easy in the beginning of a relationship. And for most, it’s great! But like anything, if you don’t nurture your sex life it looses its spark and gets old quick.

Most couples that don’t communicate about sex end up stuck in the same old rut year in and year out. One of my jobs as a relationship counselor and coach is to help couples resolve their sexual issues and begin to have loving, passionate sex again. The key is always communication. After all, sex is not a one way street unless you are having it by yourself.

One of my favorite romance experts is Jessica Lalonde, known as The Love Lady. She is a Million Dollar Achiever with Passion Parties and has been featured on the TV show, The Doctors. Jessica hosted a ladies luncheon for me and had the women titillated as she spilled the secrets on how women could instantly better their sex life.

I got The Love Lady to share some tips that you can use for better Sex Tonight! Here is what she had to say:

“How To Have Better Sex Tonight”

by Jessica Lalonde

Sex seems like a pretty explanatory event right? I mean it’s not hard to figure out considering the ages that kids are becoming sexually active now days. However, while the act itself can be easily figured out, it can be difficult for many to experience the complete euphoria it can bring. Many couples engage in the act without taking advantage of the sensory organs they have been blessed with. Sex is meant to be a wonderful thing not a boring “let’s get this over with” task between a man and a woman. Here are some ways you can have better sex tonight….

Make It a Mutual Act

Sex is a mutual act. One has to get his or her partner ready for sex. If one partner is tired or not in the mood, it can become a boring routine event. When this happens, it can leave both partners feeling unfulfilled. Take a shower or a bath with our Romanta Therapy line. These products include pheromones that help to create a calming and at the same time increase the desire your partner has to be close to you.

Love Making

Sex is not just sex. It is an exchange of love between 2 people. That’s why it is called love making. During sex remember that you are also showing love for the other person. Make it about more than just the act itself. Take your time. Slow down. Breathe. A great way to keep your focus on love making is by using a blindfold. A blindfold doesn’t have to be something kinky that is accompanied by whips and chains. A simple blindfold will turn off your sense of sight and in return will heighten all of your other senses. Not ready to try a blindfold, simply keep your eyes closed the entire time.

Foreplay

Foreplay is a must. This is one thing that will stimulate both partners and will help them to achieve orgasm easier. Foreplay is the appetizer to the main dish. If you have a delicious appetizer it increases your desire to try the main dish. There are so many different forms of foreplay. Everything from a massage, a fun little game such as our dirty dice, a dusting with our edible Passion Powder in places that your partner has to find using only their tongue and many more. This is the area where you can be creative. You want to build the desire to get to the main course.

Experiment

Routines can get boring just as intercourse with the same position every time. Our bodies can do so many amazing things that we won’t figure out until we try. This doesn’t mean that you have to do the 180 degree flip flop upside down limbo. If you try to step outside of your regular routine maybe by facing a different direction or elevating yourself with our Passion Pillow, You may find sensations you have never experienced before. To help you with your quest there are also many informative books for reading. One of my favorites is our Ride Em Cowgirl. This book features positions that you don’t need 10 years of yoga to get into, and has drawings accompanied by an informative description of what the position can do for you and your partner.

Go Somewhere

Yes, the bed is the easiest and more often than not the most accessible place to have sex. Just because it is easy doesn’t mean it has to be exclusive. Try moving your sex location to a different place in the house. Try doing it in the shower, on the floor, in the kitchen, or even the car in the garage. If you are really feeling adventurous you can leave the comfort of your home. Not only will changing locations help to keep things exciting and interesting between you and your partner, but it will also give you a newfound thrill and confidence about yourself as a sexual partner.

Use Enhancement Products When Needed

There are so many problems plaguing men and women that often spill into the bedroom. The good news is that you don’t have to suffer. For men it may be Erectile Dysfunction of which there are many creams, toys, etc… that aide in assisting this problem so it doesn’t have to be such a problem anymore. For women one of the biggest problems they face is not being in the mood. Try our Pure Satisfaction crème! It is like an orgasm in a bottle and helps your body get in the mood. You don’t have to suffer or assume that your sex life is doomed forever.

Be Your Biggest Fan

If you are confident in yourself as a partner, it will make sex more enjoyable for both parties involved. Don’t stress yourself out trying to find the perfect position, location, or foreplay act. Step out of the box and try something different and new. With the holidays coming why not purchase something fun to slip into your partners stocking. Once you start the journey of a wonderful sex life, there will be no turning back. Enjoy it all, and have fun!

For more on Jessica LaLonde go to TheLoveLady.com

Love, Eris

A Plethora Of Period Tracking Apps For Men & Women

2010-12-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

Diane Driscoll, the founder of weBEgirls, hipped me up to some really cool Apps for tracking your period.

The good news, I can now know exactly when my PMS alarm is about to go off without doing the math. My husband is really happy about this. The bad news is that some men are using these Apps to cheat on multiple women at once. Not Cool!

Here is what Diane Driscoll had to say:

A Plethora of Period Tracking Apps for Men & Women

by Diane Driscoll

Women, this is not for the faint of heart, but let’s face it, our hearts haven’t been faint since the passing of the corset. Men want to track our periods. And it seems not always for the most flattering of reasons. Some apps even let them track multiple women, allegedly for the several girlfriends or wife and mistresses.

According to a recent article in The Washington Post, “A tour of recent technological creations shows that menstruation apps for men are a booming market.

”PMSBuddy,” for example, is proudly “saving relationships, one month at a time.” “PMS Meter” features “hilarious sound effects.” And the infamous “IAmAMan,” which is nothing if not unapologetic, allows users to track the menstrual cycles of several women at once, for those special times when you are a big cheater.”

Hmm. Besides the lovely words the apps use to describe us women during these times, “her-ricane”, “menstrual madness” or a “she-devil with horns”, these apps can be beneficial for us women too.

One statement from one of these app sites really resonates with me: “’Every month, women go through the same ups and downs, but the men in our lives never seem to catch on,’ said Lisi Harrison.”

The truth is how can I expect any man in my life to “catch on” to my cycle when, after all these years, I haven’t either?

I need one of these apps for me. A day or two before my period I feel like eating the world and anything, ANYTHING, could bring a flood of tears to my eyes (okay, I admit, maybe that is a little “menstrual madness”). And every month I wonder what’s wrong with me. Then the next day I get my period and I’msurprised. The same light bulb every month, “Oh, that’s why!”

I know some of you women are that together that you track your periods. Sadly, I’m not one of you. After a few months of logging in the stats, the period tracker apps will do all the work and remind us, male and female users alike. Whew. What a relief that will be.

Here are the top period trackers:

Code Red

The most popular ($2.99), “[this] application has climbed as high as 35 on the Lifestyle division of the Apple app store — a category that includes hundreds of applications.” “All you have to do is set the start day of her most recent cycle, and the app takes care of the rest.” When the tracking starts, Code Red will provide special alert messages for every phase in her cycle such as “smooth sailing”, “horny alert”, “ovulation alert” and of course, “code red”.

PMS Buddy

With this app (free) you can track up to 10 women’s cycles and the date when their period will begin. You simply input each woman’s name and the last date of her menstrual cycle and the average length (PMS Buddy recommends the average 28 day cycle) and the user will automatically start receiving alerts. Women can also use this app too.

PMS Meter

I guess this app ($0.99) looks at the funnier side of menstrual cycles. Cited as being an “early warning system for PMS” or if “someone’s being cranky, but you’re just not sure why? “ There’s an activate button that you just press and the PMS Meter loads with “Hilarious (sound effects and animated sequences) fun for you and your friends.” The app also adds, “Great for parties, birthdays, family gatherings, or any social occasion.” Yeah, just want any gal would want at a party – your guy making fun of your period. Maybe this is one of those apps you only share with you buds – in your man cave.

IAmAMan

Boasted as the app ($1.99) for “your private life planning,” (really…? ugh) it lets men track the cycles of multiple females, with symbols for each girl and her menses, ovulation and pms with a phone icon listed next to her name, theoretically so you can booty call the one in the clear. Additionally, it offers a passwords for each female so that if one of them “accidentally bumps into this application and makes you enter the password–she will be the only one to appear on the list.” Wow, they have really thought of everything.

MyMate

This is the one we women would love the most from our men. Described by the app ($3.99): “Being aware of what your women are going through and knowing where they are in their cycle is essential in being a more caring and understanding man; in short it will help you become a better mate!” Love that. In addition to tracking our period, ovulation and pms days; our men can keep track of our favorite color, song, perfume, likes and gift ideas…and it stores special event dates and our clothing sizes.
Period Tracker

One for us woman, with both a light (free) and a deluxe version ($1.99). Period tracker takes daily notes of moods, symptoms, and intimacy. It can export your period dates and notes to email for backup or doctor’s visits. You can easily view the number of days until next period or number of days late. Know when you’re fertile with flowers that show on your homescreen during your predicted ovulation and eight day “fertile window,” maybe not science, but a helpful reminder for those couples trying to get pregnant. And the deluxe version also takes daily notes of menstrual symptoms including spotting, flow, cramps, headaches, backaches, bloating, tender breasts, and body aches. It also will track you weight and has a pregnancy mode for a countdown until your due date.

Top 10 Cities For Singletons

2010-11-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

It’s time to find out where the boys and girls are!

Maybe you travel for business and you like to go out or date on your evenings off. Maybe you’re one of those people who is willing to consider a romantic match anywhere in the country because you know your soul mate might not be in the same city as you. Or maybe you’re just looking for a city where the job market is bigger and singleton opportunities are bigger too.

Whatever you’re reason, Forbes.com says you should consider these three lists.

The first is the top 10 cities for singles:

• Washington, D.C./Baltimore

• Miami

• Chicago

• Los Angeles

• Atlanta

• San Francisco/Oakland

• Houston

• New York City

• Dallas-Fort Worth

• Philadephia

No real surprises here! This list takes into consideration where you can go out: how many nightclubs, bars and restaurants there are in each of these top cities. They also look at how many sports teams, museums, and theaters (legit and film) there are – plus university life. These all add together into what makes a great single city in terms of night life. Options for fun are always important to singles.

But when you look at a different statistic, ratio of men to women, you might come up with something different, especially if your gender is in the lower number of that ratio.

10 Cities Where Guys Outnumber Women:

• Atlanta

• Los Angeles

• Seattle

• San Francisco

• Minneapolis/St. Paul

• Phoenix

• Austin

• Las Vegas

• San Diego

• Denver

10 Cities Where Women Outnumber Guys:

• Raleigh

• Washington, D.C.

• New York City

• New Orleans

• Memphis

• Chicago

• Baltimore

• Boston

• St. Louis

• El Paso

Traditionally in eastern cities there are more men than women, but when you head west you’ll find cities where there are more men than women. But in the end does all this matter? All you need is one guy and one girl, and a few sparks.

What really gets you to coupledom is not being afraid to go out and look no matter what city you live in.

How To Not Abandon Yourself In A Relationship

2010-11-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

One of the major causes of relationship problems is self-abandonment. We’ve all done it or have seen our friends do it. We fall into the spend-every-minute-you-can-with-them beginnings of a relationship (what I call the La La Land Stage in love). You can’t imagine life without your partner. In fact, you won’t even consider it.

When you abandon yourself, you let go of your self-interests and desires. Time with your friends begins to drift away. Your gym membership suddenly is gathering dust, you begin to drink more because he’s a drinker, or you become a vegan because they are. You begin to believe that you need one another rather than enrich and assist each other. You fall into the trap of making your partner your ALL - spouse, friend, counselor, job coach, mother, father, accountant, etc.

We think that by accommodating the other person’s every need we will make ourselves mold perfectly into their lives, become indispensible. Sometimes our partner isn’t even asking us to, we do it willingly, unknowingly out of fear. The word compromise now means - compromise who I am.

The bottom line is none of it is healthy.

So, why do we lose ourselves to love? Maybe you believe that you won’t be able to take care of yourself without that person. As if you are nothing without them. That loving yourself is a crime. Or, you feel like you will never find anyone as good as them so you hold on with white knuckles. Even worse, some of us were not shown love from our parents when we were young. How are you supposed to love the you that nobody loves?

So, now what? The bad news is, when we don’t love ourselves, we lose ourselves. However, the good news is that sometimes we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves. Sometimes we have to hit a bottom to have a break through.

Here’s a good rule of thumb, don’t sacrifice yourself in a relationship – ever. When you make the decision to love yourself first, rather than last, you will begin to experience more loving relationships. No matter how cliché it sounds, it is true - you must love yourself before you can love someone else. Remember that love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Make the choice to love yourself and the feeling will come.

Loving yourself will create love in your life. Here are some steps you can do to boost your self-love and shift your relationship with yourself.

• Take your power back.
• Begin to know, appreciate and love who you are.
• Hug yourself.
• Nurture your gifts and talents.
• Begin to work on yourself for yourself, not for anyone else.
• Forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes.
• Make the changes within to guide you to your best self.
• Reestablish your friendships and make amends to those you have abandoned.
• Do one thing a day, to change yourself into the person you want to become.

Happiness and love is inside of you, not something or someone on the outside.

“I am the one I have been looking for.”
–Iyanla Vanzant

Can I Be Friends With My Ex?

2010-11-11T18:09:00.000-08:00

Let's face it - break-ups are hard no matter what age you are or how long you dated. It might feel like you will never be able to let go of that person, heal your broken heart, move on and find someone else. This is why many people hold onto the hope that they can be "friends" with their ex.

One of the biggest problems with trying to be "just friends" is that it can keep one person in limbo - usually the person who was broken up with. It is not fair to the one who still has feelings to be friends, because he or she might stay hooked into the relationship and be prevented from moving on. This is not healthy for either of you.

How long or how involved was the relationship? How long ago did you date? These are other things to consider. If you just went out a month then maybe it's no big deal, but if the words "I love you" were exchanged it's another matter. It's also a time to think of future partners too. It's often very uncomfortable for a new mate to accept this "friend". It can breed suspicion on one or the other part. And if this ex still harbors feelings, they might sabotage whether knowingly or unknowingly. Is this something you want to risk?

That being said, you might still want to be friends with your ex. However, many use the "just friends" concept as a manipulative tool to win the other back, to continue the same committed relationship benefits such as sleeping together, because they aren't 100% sure that they want this relationship to end but they still want to date other people, or because they feel lonely and want to continue to do the same things together.

Calling, e-mailing, texting, IMing, etc. are prime examples of communication tools that can be abused and can cause more harm than good.

That being said, the phone is not your friend right now. I suggest not contacting your ex if you just want attention, are in need of affection, or because you are lonely. And most certainly do not drunk dial. Only contact the ex if you have a specific issue to discuss - something that is of importance to you both. Otherwise you risk only more heartache.

If you are having difficulty moving on and healing, then I suggest DISTANCE. When I say distance I mean giving yourself some time away from the other person to heal. This is how we grow and change.

Write a list of all of the things you can do instead of contacting your ex. Examples are: go shopping, to a movie, exercise, write, study, learn more about yourself, go to a friend's house, or go out with them, prepare for a nice meal for yourself, do a makeover, get my book "Break-Up Emergency" and do all of the exercises in that book. They help and provide instant relief!

If you are supposed to be friends or lovers again it will happen naturally - eventually. If, and when, both of you are in a better place where you have gratitude and love, feel free to be friends (but please be honest with yourself). Don't rush it.

"If you love somebody, let them go.
If they return, they were always yours.
If they don't, they never were."
- Anonymous

Good Morning in The Morning!

2010-11-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

I wish EVERYBODY could wake up this happy in the morning.

5 do's & Dont's In A Relationship

2010-11-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

First things first - there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Expecting one will not only drive you to insanity, it will keep you alone. Following these do's and don'ts can enhance the relationship you are in.

DON'TS:

1. Don't think that you can fix your partner. The only person that you can fix is yourself.

2. Don't try and change your partner. This is an impossible task. You are powerless over people, places and things.

3. Don't take away what your partner loves to do most. If your mate loves to watch football with the boys buy him a case of beer and send him off. He will more than likely to want to come home to you sooner. If he loves to play golf. Let him. Buy him a golf shirt. He will love you for that. If she wants to have a girls night out - order them a bottle of wine or a chocolate cake and surprise her. Hmmm...I wonder what she will do for you when she comes home that night. If she has a dream career or hobby - support her in any way you can so that she can fulfill her dreams.

4. Don't lie, be unforgiving, selfish, impatient, secretive or vindictive.

5. Don't think that your relationship is going to be perfect. There is no such thing. Expecting one will keep you disappointed forever. Erase the La La Land fairytale that Prince Charming saves the princess fantasy. This will never happen. Allow the Sleeping Beauty within you to wake up and explore more about you.

DO'S:

1. Do know your vision as a couple. Keep working towards that vision. Build steps into making it happen.

2. Know your wants and not wants in a relationship.

3. Know the time that you want to spend with yourself, alone as a couple and as a couple with others. Negotiate and compromise this time together as a couple.

4. Ask yourselves the most difficult questions in each area of your life: home, money, work, sex, health and food, family, children, community life & friends, spiritual & mental. Burying your head won't solve them, lead to an agreement or a united plan.

5. Remember you are supposed to be on the same team. Be each other's Best Friends.

20 Fabulous Cheap Date Ideas

2010-10-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

Remember the day when dinner and a movie was a cheap date night? Hmmm. Neither do I. That’s why I came up with 20 fabulous cheap dates ideas that you can do on any tight budget.

Even though people might have lighter wallets today, this should not be an excuse to skip the date nights. Those special nights are what keep your romance alive.

Check out these budget friendly date ideas. Don’t forget to give yourselves VIP treatment without the price tag.

Halloween is right around the corner. Get spooked out at a haunted house or hayride. You can even start off the night by watching a scary movie before you go.
Craving a fancy restaurant, but can’t afford it? For a break on your dinner bill, sigh up for Blackboard Eats, Groupon, or Restarurant.com - just to name a few. They send coupons right into your inbox for all sorts of special deals. Check your local listings.
Depending on where you live and what the whether is, go to an indoor or outdoor ice-skating rink. It’s the perfect excuse to hold hands. Grab some hot chocolate afterwards, while cozying up to each other.
Skip the trendy & pricey bar and grab a few beers at your local dive bar. Hey, don’t snicker; I met my husband at a local pub.
Stay in for a night of papering. Run a candle lit bubble bath and then treat each other to full-body massages.
Make a list of your favorite charities. Then pick one that you both love and believe in and do some volunteer work together. It’s a great way to bond while doing something worthwhile.
Go Bowling. Between pitchers of beer for less than 10 dollars and cheap rental shoes, it’s a perfect date & a whole lotta fun.
Go on a local hike. Put together a picnic basket, grab your camera, pack your hiking sneakers and take a romantic hike with the one that you love. Hello…another excuse for handholding.
Pottery Painting. Go to a place like Color Me Mine. Choose your ceramic, sketch your design, paint it however you like and not only will the two of you have some laughs, you’ll have a souvenir to remember.
Spend the day picking fruit at a local farm. Once you’ve picked all the apples you can carry, go back home and make grandma’s scrumptious pie recipe.
For the couple that sings, go on the town for some Karaoke. You can even do a Sonny and Cher Duet of, “I got you, babe.”
How about a Sunset for Two? Why? Because we all like sunsets.
For those of you who like to swing, try a few rounds of miniature golf.
Take a tour at a local winery, while taking some sips of wine for FREE on them. You can even make a list of wines you would like to have at your next party.
Do a movie theme night. If you are in the mood for French, rent “French Kiss” and grab a baguette with some Brie Cheese.
Are you addicted to Dancing with the Stars? Take a couples dance class and learn to Tango together. Even though you might step on each other’s toes, you’ll be grooving together.
Ask each other what your dream cars are. Then, head over to that local car dealership for a test drive.
Take a class together. Sign up and learn something neither one of you knows how to do. Community classes & centers offer lots of options from earning a new language to cooking to karate.
Go camping overnight. There’s no TV to interrupt your conversation and the night is long. Don’t forget to roast some marshmallows and retire early to your sleeping bags.
Wonder what your future holds? Go see a local fortuneteller. You don’t really need a crystal ball to see if the two of you are meant to be. But you can giggle on how right or wrong they read your romance.

Can I Call My Ex?

2010-10-06T20:15:00.001-07:00

The phone is not your friend.

Can you hear me now?...Can you hear me now?...

This is not new information. It shows up in most break-up books, blogs, advice columns, etc. However, I would be remiss if I neglected to inform you of this pertinent fact of break-up phone etiquette.

I highly recommend not calling your ex. The phone is not your friend – hang it up.

The reason why I suggest not calling him is because you have broken-up. It is over. He does not want to talk to you. If he does want to talk to you, he will call. And, on the flip side, if you broke up with him, do you need to hurt him any more by calling him?

You need space and time in order to heal. This includes space from communicating. This is really important while you are taking steps to evolve and mend your broken heart. Erase his phone number from your mind, phones, and anywhere else you have it stored. DELETE. DELETE. DELETE. Don’t text, e-mail, Facebook, live on his my space, IM, say hi when you see him online, or snail mail him.

Trust me on this one.

Let me give you a little bit of my history. I can’t even remember how many times I that the number one rule is to not call that guy. Do you think I listened? NO! When Mr. Yellow broke up with me I sent him a poem to tell him how I really felt about “us”. No response. Then I called to just check in to see how he was doing. No call back. He wanted nothing to do with me. You would think that I learned my lesson with him. So, when Mr. Gray and I broke up, I didn’t call once. I cringed my teeth, but I did not pick up the phone. But, then, I couldn’t take it any more. I gave in. You think that I would have gotten the hint that he wasn’t that into me after a few of months of no contact. Well, I didn’t. I figured that if I reached out and told him how much work I did on myself he would miss me and remember what an amazing woman I really was. Do you think I got the response I wanted? NO!

They never answer the way you want them to if you chase them. If he wants to talk to you he’ll call. They usually do – even if you don’t want them to. Even if it’s just a bootie call.

If you still are wondering if you should call him ask yourself the following questions to reflect:

- Have you ever called or tried to contact an ex after the two of you broke up? [ ] yes [ ] no

- Did he answer? [ ] yes [ ] no

- Did you get the response that you were looking for? [ ] yes [ ] no

- How did that make you feel?

If you still feel the urge to contact him, try to engage yourself in activities you can do instead. Example: go shopping, to a movie or even a double feature, exercise, write, learn more about yourself, plan a trip alone or with friends, watch television, go to a friend’s house, prepare a nice meal for yourself, start internet dating. If you need to pick up the phone, call a friend or family member instead. Make sure that you call someone who is supportive and does not make you feel bad about yourself.

Lets say you decide to break down and call him because you just can’t help yourself. You feel like you REALLY need to hear his voice. I understand that it is your life and you are going to do whatever you want to do. However, if you do decide to make this move, try not to call him at odd hours of the night, first thing in the morning (especially on Saturday or Sunday), or on a Friday night. Don’t call him at his office. DO NOT, under any circumstances, check his voicemail (That is an invasion of privacy and its just wrong). And by the way, PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DIAL. You will only make an ass out of yourself by doing this.

If you decide to call, I propose that you leave him a voicemail or e-mail to tell him what you need to say.

NOTE: You are taking a RISK by contacting your ex. It is a RISK because you will most likely be let down. He probably will not give you the response that you are looking for.

If you take the venture to call, notice what your expectations are. How are you expecting him to respond? What do you want him to say to you? Why do you feel the need to call him? Write these answers down in your journal to reflect.

To Your Break THROUGH Success!

Mother In Law or Out Law?

2010-10-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ladies, do you have troubles with your mother-in-law?

Does your husband seem to never sitck up for you?

Do you ask the question, "How do I get my husband to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?"

Having mother-in-law problems is nothing to joke about. It can put a strain on even the healthiest relationships. When Mama isn’t happy, no one is happy.

Find a quite time when just the two of you can talk.

When communicating with your husband, don’t nag, scold or make him choose sides. Don’t make your husband feel worse than he probably already does. Start by giving him a compliment by saying, “It is wonderful that you and your mother have such a close relationship.”

Then, tell him how you FEEL about the situation. For example, “However, it makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure that you don’t stick up for me when she and I have an issue.” By doing this, she allows her husband to feel like a man and do something about it.

Remember: Women have to FEEL good to DO good. Men have to DO good to FEEL good.

Are You Heart Broken?

2010-09-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

The facts are that over 90% individuals have experienced a heart break at some point and time. Over 50% of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. So, if you are experiencing heartache right now, you are not alone.

Once we break up it can be too painful to look at the reality of what the relationship was. Many times we check out and only seem to remember the good times and forget the reasons why we really broke up. Or, we act out by indulging in our favorite addictions (drinking, over eating, shopping, sex) so that we don't have to feel. Sometimes it even seems easier to go back to the ex than to deal with reality.

I am going to challenge you to do differently this time.

The most important thing is for you to do is build a new, strong foundation for yourself.

If you choose to take responsibility, you will allow the Break to take you UP to your next level of personal development. I suggest that you stop repeating your same behaviors and destructive patterns that have prevented your happiness in your relationships.

How are you going to do this?

The following 7 Steps have been fundamental to leading me to having a successful and loving marriage today. They have helped countless people around the globe do the same. I wish the same for you.

Take a real look at yourself in the mirror. It's a Break UP not a Break DOWN.

Your relationship ending does not mean that your life is over. It means that it is just about to begin. It's time to create new habits and ways of thinking. If you set an intention to heal your broken heart, take the steps, and focus on getting there, you will.

The truth is, your relationship was not supposed to last longer than it did - otherwise you would still be together. When you choose to stop being the victim, you discover how much you can grow from the experience.

Spend time alone with me, myself and I.

It's time to get comfortable with being alone. Many people ask the question, "Why do I need to spend time alone?" The answer is simple: because it is essential for your growth and well-being. We all need time to reflect - on our lives, our day, how our emotions are affecting our outlook, our treatment of others, how we are feeling - and to engage in solo activities that we enjoy. Being alone gives us a chance to focus on who we are as individuals.

Too often in love relationships we give up our individuality. This can be the time for you to reclaim yours. Now that your relationship is over, take advantage of this alone time. Reevaluate what you like to do. You do not have to be afraid of this. Embrace it.

Stop tripping out on your baggage.

It's important for you to recognize where your pains began and begin to heal your inner child. So, grow up and stop blaming everything on your parents or your exes. That does not encourage internal growth. It stunts it.

You can't change your past, but you can take charge of yourself and how you react in certain situations. You can change.

I'm Free to do what I want. So, Just do it!

Letting go of your baggage is a process. Part of this is reconnecting to your life. Go out and have some fun - either alone or with friends and family. Just do it.

Just be careful of engaging in self-destructive patterns like sex with the ex, too many margaritas, or even a rebound. If you can't be your barometer, do yourself a favor and listen to those around you.

Say, "Thank You. Thank You. Thank You."

It's easy to find gratitude in life when things are going well - like when you first fall in love. It might seem more challenging to be grateful when life isn't going in the direction that we think that it should be - like when a break-up happens. You think, "Why do I deserve this:" Or, It's unfair." However, this is the time when the greatest gifts can be received.

Start Mapquesting your future.

Begin by asking yourself what you want your future to look like. Then start being who you want to be. You can become this person. Do whatever it takes, whatever you can, to become that person. From this moment forward, question yourself about everything, and continue to ask yourself what parts of you still need to grow. Take your whole self into consideration: your values, goals, work, balance, fulfillment, family, and life purpose. Set an intention for yourself. You gotta see it to be it.

You can have all of the dreams you want, but in order for you to make your dreams come true, it is important for you to set goals and have them be complete and concrete. Once that is in place, you have to take the steps to get there. If obstacles get in your way and prevent you from moving on, ask yourself what you can do to go through them.

Going from "Me" to "We". Date Consciously.

When you are ready to move forward and start dating again, go for it! Get ready for love, know what values are important to you, be open and willing and the person that you want to find. Remember that a relationship takes work. But, it doesn't have to be the kind of work that drags you down. It's just the kind of a dance that takes two to tango.

PS. If you want to be taken through these steps by me, I suggest getting my Audio System "Break-Up Emergency A 7 Simple Step System to heal your broken heart and begin to date." You will quickly learn how to heal your broken heart, have a break through, and find the love you want and deserve. If you are ready, click here and go to the "Eco CD Series."

PPS. Its on SALE right now!

To Your Break THROUGH Success!

Article on "10 Things You Should Know About Men"

2010-09-28T11:51:00.001-07:00

The Amazing Tiernan McKay revealed Clayton & My advice on "10 Things you should know about men" In ShoppingLifeStyle.com

What Makes Men Tick? (Hint: It's not just sex!)

To read the article go to http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/10-things-you-should-know-about-men/1477/1/

How Can I Change My Spouse?

2010-09-16T09:19:00.001-07:00

We all go through times in our relationship where we encounter discomfort in our relationships. We think to ourselves, “Did I choose the right person?” We have countless reasons why “This just won’t work.” The majority of the time we blame the other person for why it “Won’t” and “Can’t” work. There are times when this is true - like when the red flags are so huge you can’t ignore them and the other person is unwilling to change these things within themselves. However, the majority of the time you can work through challenging situations.

Your spouse may be emotionally “checked-out” of the relationship and not seem to care about making any efforts of their own. You ask yourself, “How do I get my spouse to change?” And it seems you have a list of 101 things that you would want to change about them. So, how are you going to make them change? You aren’t!

When you really think about it, nobody makes changes when it is imposed upon them. We like to INITIATE OUR OWN CHANGES. When we feel forced or manipulated to change, then we resist with all our might. Your spouse may not be willing to change for the sake of your relationship - right now. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with you. Everyone wants a great relationship. But the fact is that if they’re going to change, they want the change to be their idea - when they are ready.

Your spouse will not change one second before then.

And, the more you push them, nag them, threaten them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the less likely they are to change.

I know how hard it can be to wait. Trust me. There are things that Clayton (my husband) has chosen in his life that I wanted him to change. It’s hard for me to wait because I wanted these changes to happen in my time frame and the way I wanted it. But the thing is he had to come up with when and how he would be willing to make those changes.

I can’t tell you how many times a spouse will say to me that their significant other changed for a few days, but then returned to their old ways. That’s because they never really decided to change. They were pressured. They were manipulated. And the change didn’t stick.

So, what do you have to do?

BACK OFF of your spouse!

It is time for you to start creating the change that you want to find. Start giving more positive energy within your relationship. When was the last time you told your spouse that you love them? Or made a romantic dinner for just the two of you? So, are YOU ready to make some changes? You can be the inspiring example of change in your relationship. Notice how you begin to see how you feel about yourself you’re your relationship.

It is a myth that your relationship won’t change until your spouse does the shifts. The more love we show - the more love we will begin to feel. You can actually make more than 50% of the difference in your relationship yourself.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see.”

It’s YOU making the changes that will have the greatest impact for you and your experience within your relationship. And, it’s YOU changing that will motivate your spouse to start making some changes on their own.

How Can I Change My Spouse?

2010-09-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

We all go through times in our relationship where
we encounter discomfort in our relationships.
We think to ourselves, "Did I choose the right person?"

We have countless reasons why "This just won't work."

The majority of the time we blame the other person for why it "Won't" and "Can't" work.

There are times when this is true - like when the red flags are so huge you can't ignore them and the other person is unwilling to change these things within themselves.

However, the majority of the time you CAN work through challenging situations.

Your spouse may be emotionally "checked-out"
of the relationship and not seem to care about making any efforts of their own.

You ask yourself , "How do I get my spouse to change?"

You have a list of 101 things that you could change about them.

So, how are you going to make your spouse change?

You aren't!

When you really think about it; nobody makes changes when it is IMPOSED UPON THEM.

We like to INITIATE OUR OWN CHANGES.

When we feel forced or manipulated to change, then we resist with all our might.

Your spouse may not be willing to change for the sake of your relationship - right now. But, that doesn't mean that they don't want to be with you.

Everyone wants a great relationship.

But the fact is that if they're going to change, they want the change to be THEIR IDEA - when they are ready.

Your spouse will not change one second before then.

And, the more you push them, nag them, threaten them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the LESS LIKELY they are to change.

I know how hard it can be to wait. Trust me. There are things that Clayton has chosen in his life that I wanted him to change. Its hard for me to wait, because I wanted these changes to happen in my time frame and the way I wanted it. But the thing is, HE had to come up with when and how he would be willing to make those changes.

I can't tell you how many times a spouse will say to me that their significant other changed for a few days, but then returned to their old ways. That's because they never really decided to change. They were pressured. They were manipulated. And the change didn't stick.

So, what do you have to do?

BACK OFF of your spouse!

It is time for YOU to start creating the change that you want to find. Start giving more positive energy within your relationship.

When was the last time you told your spouse that you love them? Or made aromantic dinner for just the two of you?

So, are YOU ready to make some changes?

You can be the inspiring example of change in your relationship. Notice how you begin to see how you feel about yourself you're your relationship.

It is a myth that your relationship won't change until your spouse does the shifts. The more love we show - the more love we will begin to feel.

You can actually make more than 50% of the difference in your relationship yourself.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see."

It's YOU making the changes that will have the greatest impact for you and your experience within your relationship. AND, it's YOU changing that will motivate your spouse to start making some changes on their own.

10 Things You Should Know About Men

2010-09-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

First you have to know what your man wants and needs before you can ever Man-ip-ute™ him. And, when you learn the mastery of Man-ip-ulation™, you can finally get in the relationship that you want and deserve. Clayton, my husband, and I have an upcoming book called “The Man-ip-ulator™ vs. The Wo-man-izer™. Everything you need to know to get the relationship you want.”

Hungry for some Man-ip-ulation™ advice? Since I am in such a great mood, I am going to give you a little taste.

These are 10 things EVERY woman needs to know so she can Man-ip-ute™ her man into getting the love she deserves and becoming the ultimate Man-ip-ulator™.

10 Things You Should Know About Men:

The first thing you need to know about men is that men are needy. Men need Respect, Praise, Interest in What They Do, Support/Encouragement, Collaboration, Understanding, Love, Time Alone, Etc., Etc. Etc.
Men need respect. A woman should appreciate his value and achievements and what he does for her and others. A man is going to find respect somewhere. If she doesn’t give it to him, then he is going to find it someplace else.
Men need praise. Men have low self-esteem. They constantly need to be reminded about how great they are (in life and in bed. Ergo the fake orgasm. Come on girls, you know you’ve done it at least once. And if you haven’t, I highly suggest it). Praise him for all of those things that you respect him for. Appreciate him for what he does. (If you ask him to do the dishes and he doesn’t do them perfectly then appreciate the fact that he actually did them, even if it is not to your exact specifications. Don’t nag him about how inefficient he is and how you would have done a much better job.)
Men need others to be interested in what they do. So, if you are smart, you will be the one who is interested in what he does, whether it be sports, his job, whatever. You don’t have to live, and breathe it, just understand it enough to show that you are interested. Be interested in their thoughts and activities. When he asks you for help, do the things you can to support him.
Men need Support/Encouragement. Be a good listener and a good communicator. If you support him, he will support you. And if you encourage him with his goals and dreams, he will be a better man for it.
Men need Collaboration. Men love to have a companion, a best friend. They don’t want to be told what to do or how to do it. The best thing that you can do is manipulate him into thinking that he came up with the idea.
Men need Understanding. A man needs to be understood. When he takes the time to actually talk to you, don’t blow it off or ignore it, just listen. This will give you a great opportunity to retort.
Men need Love and yes, that does include sex. But, don’t we all? That’s where Man-ip-upation™ really comes in handy. But, love is not just sex. Love is a look, a touch, a kiss, and stroking his ego. It is being attentive to the other person’s needs.
Men need time alone. We all need time alone, unless you are addicted to codependency. So, allow and encourage him to do what he does to recharge. If you do this, the time you spend with him will be even better. This does not include his addiction to porn, fantasy football and video games. Time alone does have its limits.
There really is a lot more that men need. I could go on and on and on. But what you need to know about men first is that they are needy.

I'm Featured in Shopping Life Style

2010-09-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am so honored that Tiernan McKay quoted me in her article, "Your Sexual Past: Does He Really Need To Know?" Check it out http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/your-sexual-past-does-he-really-need-to-know/1377/1/

To Your REALationship Success!

Are You A Flirt?

2010-08-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Flirting is all about having fun, and being playful and sexy. If you can do that then you can be a flirting pro.

The essence of flirting is interest. Have you ever flirted with anyone who you don’t want attention from?

The #1 Rule in flirting is EYE CONTACT. If you can’t connect with eye contact, they you can’t connect. You know the old saying, “Eyes are the window to the soul.” No matter how cliché it sounds, it is true. When you give somebody eye contact it lets them know that you are interested.

When you feel interested in someone, do the 3 second rule. This is when you give the person you are interested in eye contact for 3 seconds and then them flash them your most winning smile. This gives them the OK to know that you are interested and to approach you.

For you ladies, Men say that they wish that women would give them a large clue that they are interested in them. So, if you are, give him that clue. Flirt with the eyes. Invite him to come over with that sparkle in your eye.

He might not come over at first because many men are insecure. And, he might not know if you are really flirting with him. Give him some time and space to approach you. But, keep your flirt on!

A lot of people think that flirting makes them look silly. They feel their face beginning to blush, their upper lip shake and their knees tremble. Well, flirting isn’t about being sleek. It’s about being sincere and flirty. Its actually charming if you look a little nervous. Practice makes perfect and flirty.

For some quick tips on Flirting, here are some do’s and don’ts:

Do:

Take a chance.
Show your interest.
Lock eyes.
Giggle and Tease Sweetly
Touch. Brush arm, bump knees.
Give Compliments to the person you are interested.

Don’t

Be Self-Absorbed
Overly Sexual
Act stupid or as if you are 6 years old
Flirt With Everyone.
Be obscene: Remember what your mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” So, lewd or disgusting gestures, jokes and comments are not welcome.
Gossip or be negative.
Whine.

So, get yourself out there and get your FLIRT ON!

When Do I Tell Them How Many People I Have Slept With?

2010-07-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

When entering a new relationship many people want to know when they should do share information about their sexual history?

In a perfect world you should share information with your partner.

But, we aren't in a perfect world.

When you enter a new relationship, remember the saying
"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." No matter how cliche it sounds - its true!

Sexual history should be left in the past where it belongs except for discussions regarding health issues (HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc). Everything else is like walking the razors edge. The next step can be the best choice or worst choice you ever made.

When entering a relationship - especially a committed one that can lead to marriage - discussing a specific number shouldn't even be a topic of discussion. What is in the past should stay in the past.

But if you need to know...

When it comes to the amount of partners, usually less is more for men. Men like to think that he is only man she has ever been with...or will ever be again. And, if there have been men in the past - LESS is better. Men would rather not know about a woman's past. A guy doesn't want a girl who has slept with more people than he has (unless she is a Super Model or a one night stand. Then he doesn't really care). They like the "Madonna Whore" and they want to be the one to teach her everything. Guys don't have a problem with a number that is too low. Unfortunate but true - It's a double standard.

Women like a man who has had more experience than she has. They like the bad boy who can get any girl and he has picked HER over all the rest. What woman would say no to Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson - a man who will show her a thing or two about a thing or two while adding excitement to her life. Women like a guy who will cherish her, protect her and take a Bull by the Horn.

Uh Oh...Now you might be asking if it is ok to lie about your sexual history?

Never Lie. However, it is OK to divert the conversation by being vague. You can say, "I'm not comfortable to talk about this right now." "I don't know you well enough to have that conversation." "We don't want to go there."

Fact is, the most important thing here isn't the number of sexual partners someone has had. It is if they have a history of cheating or some kind of sexual addiction. This is a health issue. Having this information is important for you because it is the rest of your life.

When you are in a REALationship, the past number of sexual partners shouldn't matter. However, communicating and making your partner feel safe and secure is key.

Once you are in a committed relationship or thinking that you want to spend some extended amount of time in a relationship with them, it is important to communicate with them that the past is the past and they are the one that you want to be with. Make them feel secure, like there is no other.

Want A Relationship?

2010-06-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

It is natural for us to want a partner in life. We have the desire to want to wake up next to the person we love and feel a sense of security and validity in the world. Being in a relationship, consciously, is a good thing.

If you want to attract a relationship into your life, I suggest that you put in writing what you want that relationship to look like. Write a list of things that you will look for in a partner. (If you are already in a relationship, what are some things that you can to better yourself to make your relationship more solid? Also, what are some things you can do together to create a stronger bond with one another?)

When making your list for your future partner, be specific. Realize that you might not attract the person to the exact tee, but at least you are being clear with yourself who you would like to attract into your life. What is important to you?

1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?

2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like?
Height, hair color, clothes, etc.

3. Material. What possessions are important for the other
person to have? What about career and financial?

4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.

5. Spiritual beliefs.

6. Intellect and education.

7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children,
child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for
retirement.

8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.

9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not
accept in a person?

Know who you are and what you want, use the "Law of Attraction" and take whatever steps you need to take to make that happen. Once you are there, be ready and available for commitment. Balance your heart with your head by making your relationship choices consciously. It is still exciting when you choose to Date Consciously!

Relationships Can Be Casualties Of War

2010-05-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

There is such a thing as a "Dear John" Letter.

Have you ever heard of them?

"Dear John" letters are letters written by girlfriends and wives sent to their soldier loved ones in order to break off a relationship. (They can also be called "Dear Jane").

It's a sad, but true fact that "Dear John" letters are a real part of every military deployment, and the deployment to Iraq is no exception.

However, in these "modern times," the "Dear John" arrives not only by letter, but via email, Skype, text, & phone.

War puts an enormous strain onto the lives of soldiers who have loved ones at home. One of the worst things to happen to so many young soldiers (which is rarely spoken of) were the 'Dear John' letters.

"Dear John," the letter began. "I have found someone else whom I think the world of. I think the only way out is for us to get a divorce," it said.

I found a Dear John Letter on line that I thought I would share with you.

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope - along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky

I guess Ricky wasn't going to allow Becky to rock his boat too much. He took his power back pretty quickly by showing that he was going to love himself first!

Good Job, Ricky!

It's a shame that relationships are also casualties of war. But it is a reality and sometimes for the better even though it may not seem so at the time.

2010-05-18T13:50:00.000-07:00

I have missed writing to you the past month! As you probably already know, Clayton and I got married on April 17th.

For More Wedding Pictures Click Here

It was the most beautiful, intimate setting. We chose to have a small family wedding. I enjoyed having the opportunity to spend special one-on-one time with each person there.

We are planning to have a party with the rest of our friends and loved ones in Los Angeles this summer. Why stop the celebrating?

The day after the wedding, we went on a 7-Day Caribbean Cruise, where we got PADI open water scuba certified, went on the largest zip line in the world over the ocean, located in Haiti, swam with the Dolphins, hiked some pretty dangerous waterfalls in Jamaica, and I drove my first Vespa in Cozumel, Mexico. Clayton and I enjoy doing hobbies and adventures together which we both enjoy. So, the honeymoon was perfect.

Since we have been back, I have attracted more and more clients who want to attract the love that Clayton and I have found with one another. I love guiding people to end any toxic patterns that they are currently experiencing and get the love that they want and deserve.

If you are looking to find love, or know someone who is a great catch, I am starting to do some matchmaking and singles meet and greet events in Los Angeles. If you are interested or know of anyone who would be interested please shoot me anemail (eris@loveeris.com) so that I can keep you posted on my BIG LOVE Events.

P.S. One of the things that I find people struggle with the most is not having enough time in the day for themselves. They are Exhausted! If you feel the same, enjoy reading my article below.

Are You Exhausted?

2010-05-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Are you Exhausted?

Then, your prescription, which should be implemented immediately, is to:

Spend some time alone with me, myself, and I.

"There is only one journey. Going inside yourself."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Do you crave spending time alone or avoid it? [ ] Crave it [ ] Avoid it

Your alarm clock awakens you at 6am so that you can get to the office by 8am, bumper to bumper traffic, endless errands to run, cell phones ringing, text messages in your inbox, facebook, twitter, phone calls to return, faxes coming in, emails to write and respond to, back to back meetings at work, hardly a moment to eat a healthy meal at lunchtime, dinner meetings and functions to attend, weekends filled with friends, dinner parties, birthdays, weddings, and catching up to do, the next holiday to plan for, and by the time evening rolls around, its grabbing something quick and easy to eat, crashing your head against the pillow, hoping for a good nights rest, all for the next day to be a repeat of the day before.

Distraction. Distraction. Distraction.

"We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time
and no imagination left for being.
As a result, men are valued not for what they are
but for what they do or what they have-for their usefulness."
- Thomas Merton

The amount of time that Americans spend at work continues to relentlessly increase. We live in a society where fast food becomes our meals and where supermarkets, drugstores, and gas stations are open 24 hours a day, 365 (366 in leap years) days a year. Where else but in America can you buy a stereo at 4:30 in the morning if you want to? Therefore, there is little time for self, which is of utmost importance.

Being alone is the hardest thing that a person can do comfortably because they have no one to judge but themselves. When you are alone you do not have the luxury of blaming someone else because there is no one else there. Many people confuse being alone with feeling alone or loneliness. Many times people stay in unhealthy relationships because they are afraid of being alone. Many people avoid being alone because they don't want to be left alone with all that will surface - their thoughts, their fears, and their insecurities. So instead, they fill their schedule with more work, more errands, and more time with friends and family. However, it is in being alone that you get the opportunity to face all of your insecurities and deal with them. It is in spending time alone that you get the chance to get to know yourself. The most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.

Many people ask the question, "Why do I need to spend time alone?" This is an excellent question. I believe that it is essential for your growth and well being to spend time alone. People need to reflect on their lives, their day, how their emotions are affecting their day and others, how they are feeling, and for them to engage in what they enjoy doing. It is our time and chance that we get to focus on who we are as individuals.

NOTE: There are those people who end up spending too much time alone, while avoiding the world around them. I suggest that you be careful of not spending too much time alone. Being a hermit is not healthy and is the opposite extreme of not spending any time alone. Your relationships with people are what help you grow.

If you don't fall in the hermit category, for some time now, you have given up your alone time to be in a relationship, spend time with family & friends, and to work, work, and more work. Unfortunately, too often we give up our individuality to others. This can be the time for you to reclaim yours.

Reevaluate what you like to do. You do not have to be afraid of this. Embrace it. If you are uncomfortable with spending time by yourself, you might want to start off with short spans of time. You might begin with having a quiet cup of tea or coffee in the morning, or take walks by yourself.

I am not suggesting that you run out and join a monastery. However, you might be pleasantly surprised at the things that come to you when you spend time with yourself. It is a time where you can continue and deepen the tools that you have been using so far in the remedies - reflection, visualizing, feeling, and becoming self-aware. This is when you can create an opportunity to go within yourself and acknowledge even more about yourself, and change your old patterns.

"I love to shop after a relationship. I don't know.
I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."Rita Rudner

Spending time along does not mean that you have to be serious. I suggest that you have fun with you. It is a time where you can celebrate you and what you enjoy. There are many ways to take care of your mind, body and spirit. By experimenting, you can open new doors to creativity and your beauty. You don't have to be shy to do some external changes on yourself as well. Be creative with your outer beauty. We all need to do this at times. It's OK to express your external self in whatever way fits you. It is perfectly wonderful to pamper yourself, just as long as you remember that the external will not fix the internal.

"I don't believe makeup and the right hairstyle
alone can make a woman beautiful.
The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and experience." Sharon Stone

Top Ten List of doing things alone:

1. Pamper yourself with a day at the spa. Get a massage, facial, steam, sauna, and spend some time in the hot tub.
2. Make a CD or playlist with your favorite songs.
3. Beautify yourself. Get a new haircut. Change your hair color. Paint your toes and nails.
4. Take long walks, hike, run, go to the gym, go to yoga, or ride your bike that has been sitting in your garage for years.
5. Travel. Take a day trip, or mini vacation to a place you have always wanted to go and haven't.
6. Plan an outing. Go to the movies, go shopping, go to the music store and listen to some new or old CD's.
7. Relax. Read a book, take a nap, rent some old movies, take a long bubble bath by candlelight, hot oil your hair, and do a
mud mask.
8. Spend the evening alone and make yourself a nice meal or order in.
9. Be an artist. Paint, draw, color, or make a collage.
10. Meditate.

Now go and spend some time Alone with Me, Mysef and I!

Is Your Spouse Pulling Away?

2010-04-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Even though many relationships end up in break-ups or divorce, doesn’t mean that yours has to.

There are many relationships that last 30, 40, even 50+ years.

I have worked with many clients who were separated or on the brink of getting divorced who succeeded at turning things around.

Even I have gotten to the point with Clayton where I thought that it was time for things to end.
However, before I did that I wanted to walk my talk and use the tools that have helped so many of my clients.
And, It worked! We are getting married on April 17th.

The good news is that if it worked for us, it can for you too!

Individuals and couples come to me in a frenetic state in fear of loosing the person that they love the most.

They say their spouse:
• Is pulling away.
• Doesn’t want to talk about feelings.
• Is always working.
• Only wants to hang out with their friends.
• Isn’t interested in making love.
• And the list goes on

They don’t know what to do. But, they do know that they don’t want to loose them.

If you feel like your spouse is slipping away from you, here are 3 steps for you to take right now that could have them back at your side.

Step 1: Stop Perusing

You need to stop calling, texting, sending love note e-mails, scheduling a time to “talk”, saying “I Love You” 10 times a day, talking to their friends, following their every move, buying gifts, etc.

You have been predictable up until now by doing these things. They know it. And, its NOT working.

Now its time for you to Get A Life of your own, which leads me to step 2.

Step 2: Get A Life

When we get in a place that feels like we are about to loose the person we love, we begin to have separation anxiety. We become clingy and desperate. When we don’t get what we want, we become depressed. We don’t go out with our friends. We stay at home, eat, gain weight, don’t sleep, cry, and turn into someone we don’t want to be.

It is understandable to feel this way when we feel like we are loosing our lover.

Trust me. I’ve been there.

However, it is not the most attractive state to be in. And, it certainly won’t have your lover feeling sorry for you and knocking on your door with a dozen colorful roses. It actually turns them off.

To be quite honest, the person that your spouse fell in love with actually had a life.

Yes, YOU had a Life before Them!

Now it is time to get that life back.

You need to act as if you are OK without them, even if you don’t feel like you are right now.

I’m not asking you to be fake. I am asking you to start becoming the person you actually really want to be.

I’m almost certain your Best Self would be doing some things differently than you are doing right now.

I suggest that you begin to act more upbeat and pleasant when you are around your spouse.

Go out with your friends. Dance. Go to a party that a friend invites you to. Take a new class. Read a book that’s been collecting dust on your shelf. Reflect. (Read “Break-Up Emergency” or listen to my 7 simple step audio series. That has many things for you to do to grow and evolve even if you haven’t broken up or gotten divorced).

You deserve to have a great life and to have some fun.

You can do it!

Step 3: Be Patient

Now that you have stopped the pursuit and started becoming the person that you want to be - Be Patient.

The good news is that by following the first two steps you get to step back into having a life of your own. You will begin to feel more empowered and have higher self-esteem. You create an opportunity to start having fun again. You get to begin to look at things from a fresh perspective.

Another reward is that your spouse might begin to notice that you are behaving differently. They might wonder why you look so happy. They might make comments on your sudden “change” and begin to ask questions. They might even ask you out on a date and want to talk about your relationship.

If these things happen I suggest being grateful. However, DO NOT revert back to your old, needy ways.

Continue with moving your life forward - walking into your Best Self.

If you and your significant other decide to rekindle your relationship, it is important for you to heal those pains that got you there in the first place. I have my clients do an “I Will I Won’t” Contract.

In order for change to happen, you have to stop repeating the same behaviors and patterns over and over again. Begin to be the person you want to “find”.

Remember: You are on the same team.

What kind of relationship & life do the two of you want to create together?

Begin taking the steps you need to take to get there.

The good news is that sometimes we have to go through difficult times to have a break THROUGH. Now is your chance. No matter what happens.

To your Break THROUGH REALationship Success!

Are You Riding The Rockin' Roller Coaster of Feelings?

2010-03-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Are you riding the rockin' roller coaster of Feelings?

If your feelings seem to control your life and if you believe that you are a victim today, you still have work to do.

If you don't get through your difficult experiences and make peace with them, you will continue to feel hurt, angry, lonely, and afraid.

When you allow yourself to continue to ride your rockin' emotions, you become a victim.

It is this simple:
If you focus on the pain and being a victim-
you will be in pain and be a victim.

You stay in the victim role for one reason:
It is your avoidance of growth.

Sometimes we choose to repeat, repeat, and repeat the same behaviors and patterns that do not serve us. We know that we want to be better, but we continue to repeat all the same.

We do this because we would much rather stay in the discomfort and drama of our current situation than move on.

But remember this: It is always up to YOU.

You may feel like you are in a frustrating and losing battle.

You might believe that relationships are unfair, unsatisfying, and that you do not get a fair chance in love.

You may attempt to harden yourself, or keep new relationships superficial.

These perspectives only keep you imprisoned in your emotional walls of self-protection.

There is little growth in the experience of being a victim.

So, what can you do to prevent yourself from being a victim, from repeating the same patterns, interacting in the same circles, attracting the same situations, and being ruled by intense feelings?

I encourage you to find a way to believe that your higher self and all of your agonizing experiences are lessons and gifts to allow you to ultimately grow into the best person you can imagine through its lessons and gifts.

If you can find a way to do this, then you will set yourself free.

The only thing that gets in your way of your goals, getting a relationship that you want, living the life of your dreams, and becoming who you want to be is - YOU.

It's time to create new habits and ways of thinking.

You may feel a bit weary about this right now; it might take some practice.

Whenever you're feeling defeated or hopeless, try saying this to yourself:

"Maybe today will be the day that I move past feeling like a victim, angry, weak, and in fear. Maybe today will be the day that I move into forgiveness, strength, and the willingness to receive the gifts from my experience."

In order to get to the depths of your psyche, it is a good idea that you learn to Release.

When your release, you set yourself free and let go of something that holds you back or confines you. If you hold onto toxic things, people, behaviors, energies, and resentments, you will have difficulty moving forward. Try to forgive yourself, move past you resentments, and let them go.

What are you trying to release in you or about you? What will hold you back from doing this work on yourself? Your fears, pains, frustrations, control, addictions, self-destructive behaviors, certain family members or friends?

Do some Spring Cleaning Within!

Do You Want A Love Relationship?

2010-03-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks, I have talked about what it takes to have a Conscious REALationship™?

We discussed putting the REAL back into REALationship & 25 Ways To Improve Your REALationship.

Today is about getting really clear about what kind of mate you want to attract into your life. A REALationship!

If you aren't in THE love relationship that you want and deserve right now, I suggest doing the "My Future Partner Exercise" below to attract that person into your life.

My Future Partner Exercise

Write a list of qualities and values that you want in a partner.

Do these qualities & values include integrity, dependability, compassion, honesty, communication, returning phone calls, showing up on time, and commitment? Or, do they include a certain amount of money, a nice car, buying you flowers and diamonds, going out for nice and romantic dinners, external looks and nice clothes. Or, do you want a mixture of them all?

Don't judge the values and qualities that you want in your mate! It is important that you are being honest with yourself in naming what is important to you.

It is also important to remember that a person is not who they say they are or who they want to be. A person is who they are showing up as. If a person tells you that they are loyal, honest and that they love you - watch their actions. Actions speak much louder than the words.

When making your list for your future partner, be specific. Realize that you might not attract the person to the exact tee, but at least you are being clear with yourself on who you would like to attract into you life. What is important to you?

1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?
2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like? Height, hair color, clothes, etc.
3. Material. What possessions are important for the other person to have? What about career and financial?
4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.
5. Spiritual beliefs.
6. Intellect and education.
7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children, child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for retirement.
8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.
9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not accept in a person?

Disclaimer: You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to give up a little to get a lot. You have to loose a few battles to win the war. It's true! In the things that are important to you in a mate, realize that we are all imperfect. But DO NOT settle for less than you deserve!

We Are Finally Getting Married!

2010-03-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

Things sure are getting exciting for Clayton and I!

For those of you who haven't heard,
We have finally decided to tie the knot on April 17th.
It is going to be an intimate Florida Sunrise Beach Wedding.
Yes, I did say Sunrise!

We decided to just have family at our ceremony and then have a celebration with friends when we return to Los Angeles.
It is totally Stress Free! Just my style!

After the Nuptials, we are going to go on a 7 Day Caribbean Cruise. One of the stops includes Haiti. I can't wait!

Clayton was so cute this morning. He asked, "How many more weeks till we go to Florida?" We've got 5 weeks to get bathing suit ready!

So, how did Clayton & I get to here? For some great tips on getting to "I Do" or Ways to Improve the Relationship you are in, read my article below.

To Your REALationship™ Success!

25 Ways To Improve Your REALationship

2010-03-05T12:51:00.001-08:00

I have been talking about what it takes to have a
Conscious REALationship™?

To experience being in a REALationship™, you have to take action to make it happen.

What would your relationship look like if you focused on improving it?

In a world filled with everyday stressors, "Reality Land", many times we tend to ignore or take our relationship for granted.

If you start taking action to be in a loving & conscious REALationship, each area of your life will start to have positive effect.

Here are 25 ways to improve your REALationship:

1. Remember that you are a Team.
2. Create goals by creating vision together.
3. Have weekly date nights.
4. Ask for what you need. Nobody is a mind reader.
5. Compliment your spouse daily.
6. Send your significant other random, flirtatious text messages or emails.
7. Take care of yourself & your needs.
8. Talk to each other everyday.
9. Find similar interests.
10. Give each other space.
11. Smile and flirt with one another.
12. Watch a favorite TV show together.
13. Don't hold on to past resentments.
14. Be honest.
15. Don't ever make threats that you don't intend to carry out.
16. Cuddle.
17. Forgive.
18. Assign household chores so to share responsibilities.
19. Change yourself instead of trying to change your spouse.
20. Support each others goals.
21. Support each others hobbies.
22. Let them spend time with their friends.
23. Plan for fun trips & activities.
24. Be each others Best Friend - #1.
25. Make Love.

Begin to take action today!

3 Keys to a conscious REALationship

2010-02-19T15:38:00.000-08:00

What does it take to have a conscious REALationship™?

Defining REALationship

Relationship is defined as:

re·la·tion·ship [ri-ley-shuhn-ship]
-noun
1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people.
4. a sexual involvement; affair.

A REALationship™ focuses the REALity in the relationship.

3 keys to A REALationship™ are:

HUGGING. The Physical nature of a REALationship™.
TALKING. The Mental nature of a REALationship™.
BEING. The Spiritual nature of a REALationship™.
(loving, communicating, living)

HUGGING is the physical nature of a REALationship™. This includes holding hands, looking each other in the eyes, kissing, caressing, and making love. This may seem obvious but too often we overlook and forget to just reach out and touch one another. You have to set time aside for intimacy and physical contact. We get so caught up in the day-to-day of living that we can take our relationship for granite. I suggest putting aside a night for just the two of you at least once a week. Even its just staying at home and watching a movie - just as long as you are doing it together.

TALKING is the mental nature of a REALationship™. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you don’t communicate with your partner, how can you expect to know what they are feeling? How could they possibly know what you are feeling if you don’t tell them?
Too often, we find that we are speaking at one another and not with one another.

I suggest taking a daily 10-minutes with each other. On a good day you can tell each other what you appreciate and love about one another. On a not so good day you can discuss what your particular issue, problem, or concern is.

Communicating can alleviate escalating arguments and blow-ups. When you have these daily conversations be totally REAL. And, don’t forget the good days! Don’t just ask for the 10-minutes when you are angry. You don’t want this to become the “Let’s Talk” talk.

BEING is the spiritual nature of a REALationship™. Whatever your spiritual or religious beliefs are, we all still have a need for internal peace in an external and chaotic world. When you are at peace with yourself you will be a better partner. It is important to have your alone time to be YOU. Before we commit to a relationship we have our own lives, friends, hobbies, passions and dreams. Often times, when we fall in love, we forget “ME.” When we are in a REALationship™ we learn how to go from “ME to WE” by not forgetting “ME.” One of the ways to do this is by knowing that your partner is a mirror reflection of you. They are giving you a constant glimpse of who you are and a chance for you to evolve into your Best Self.

Ask Eris on Valentine's Day

2010-02-12T04:23:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the Valentine's Day questions I have received from my readers:

Dear Eris,

Ever since I was a kid, I felt forced into Valentine's Day, and forced into expressing love in a way that I'm not ready to. This occasion ruins the natural process of love. It's a complete set up, which I think was created by the female of the species. I care about my current girlfriend; but with Valentines Day right around the corner, I'm put into this position once again. I don't know how to express myself, or what to give her. I even have the thought of breaking up with her before the holiday and then getting back together with her afterwards. But, I know that this is not right. What should I do?

Eris Suggests:

It's a good thing that you know that breaking up to avoid the pressures of Valentine's Day isn't a healthy thing to do. I suggest that you talk to your girlfriend and explain to her the pressure that you feel around Valentine's Day. Give her the chance to express herself with you as well. As far as a gift, be creative - come up with something simple and appropriate. Or, come up with something together that feels comfortable for both of you. I suggest that you do not force yourself into saying anything that you do not want to say. Valentines day does not have to be such a pressure filled holiday nor does it have to become a bank account buster.

FYI - Although many women do get excited to celebrate Valentines Day with the person that they love, women did not create it. It was traditionally dedicated to two ancient male martyrs named Valentine.

Dear Eris,

Valentines Day is right around the corner AGAIN and I'm starting to freak out. I generally get an overwhelming feeling of loneliness around February. And, to top it off, I'm surround by women at work. Most of them are already getting cards, gifts, flowers, etc. And I won't - unless I send them to myself. Should I send myself flowers to escape the embarrassment or should I call in sick on Valentine's Day?

Eris suggests:

The fact is that everywhere you look in February is images of couples kissing, candy, hearts, and love, love, love. It is a shame that people who are not in a relationship are made to feel bad on Valentines Day.

To make matters worse, if you are already feeling alone, then this day can trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and emotions.

However, all of this hype can trick you into putting just as much focus on this holiday as society does. This can be unwarranted as well as unhealthy. I suggest that you change your perception of this day. Its just another day, and not being in a relationship right now is not the end of the world. Don't get down on yourself for that.

You first need to be in a relationship with yourself, empower yourself, and fall in love with you. There can't possibly be a better time to do this than right now. Self worth comes from you, not from anyone else. Take contrary action on Valentines Day and have a date with you, yourself, and YOU. Take yourself to the movies, go on a nice hike, go shopping (Just don't get yourself into debt). And of course, you can buy yourself flowers! You can also enjoy the day with a friend. Or, have your very own Valentine's Day Party. As Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Love, Eris

I get many e-mails surrounding Valentine's Day break-ups. This does not surprise me being that this holiday revolves around equating love - finding the dollar figure that says, "I love you," in just the "right amount." The rest of the year, we show each other how much we love by the little things, how we listen, how we act. But on this day, its pre planned, pre packaged, pre marketed, pre sold, pre bought, and pre consumed.

But lets not remove February 14th from our calendars.

Will You Be My Valentine?

2010-02-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year again - February - the month of romance and Valentine's Day - and another Hallmark moment.
(It's the second largest capitalistic gift giving holiday of the year).

For some of you, your rooms will be filled with sweet tart hearts, See's candies, and bouquets of flowers. You are in love, and will be exchanging cards that say, "Will you be mine?"

For others it's a lonely day and a lonely night while watching the lovebirds in their La La Land. For you, the fact that people actually buy into this contrived, manmade, multibillion-dollar holiday is silly at best.

Nonetheless, for most of you, there is probably somewhere, deep down inside of you, a glimmer of hope that cupid will take his bow and shoot you with his arrow that will cause you to fall in love.

Whatever the case may be, just remember to
always love yourself.

No matter how cliche it sounds, it bears repeating:
Before you love anyone else, you must love YOU first!

The truth is that Valentine's day doesn't have to be all about couples and romance. Don't you remember when you were in grade school and you gave all of your friends Valentine's Day Cards? So, the truth is that ANYONE can be your Valentine...all you have to do is ask!

And, Now I am going to ask you: "Will you be my Valentine?"

Happy Valentine's Day!

How the Heartbroken Can Survive Valentine’s Day

2010-02-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

Surviving a Breakup on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom.

With a focus on getting over it, moving on, and finding the positive in a so called “negative” situation, men and women can get real concrete steps and insight to go from Break UP to Break THROUGH and Beyond.

The fact is that everywhere you look in February is images of couples kissing, candy, hearts, and love, love, love. It is a shame that people who are not in a relationship are made to feel bad on Valentines Day.

To make matters worse, if you are already feeling alone, then this day can trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and emotions. However, all of this hype can trick you into putting just as much focus on this holiday as society does. This can be unwarranted as well as unhealthy.

I suggest that you change your perception of this day. Its just another day, and not being in a relationship right now is not the end of the world.

Eris says that if you follow these simple steps this can be the first day of the rest of your life.

1. Don't wallow in self-pity. Get out of bed! It's a Break UP not a Break DOWN. Your relationship ending does not mean that
your life is over; it means that it is about to begin.

2. Today is a time for new beginnings. Now you have space for a new mate in your life - someone better than your last.

3. Spend some time alone with "me, myself and I." Contemplate what you want to start doing with your life next. It is what I
call, "Map Questing" your life.

4. Get up and get out! Be around people & socialize. Go to the park, get a cup of coffee, go shopping. While you are out and
about, flirt or make eye contact with someone new.

5. In the evening, go to a singles event or create one. Celebrate by inviting your single friends over for a cocktail party. Ask
each person to bring another single friend to the party.

6. The next day reflect on your Valentine's Day. How is your life going to be different from here on out? What kind of mate do
you want to attract in your life next?

Eris gives Ryan Seacrest Love CPR

2009-08-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

Did you hear me On-Air with Ryan Seacrest today?

Yes, you heard it right. I was on my favorite radio station again, KISS FM, with my favorite radio host, Ryan Seacrest, talking about my favorite topic...LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS!

They even put me on their home page saying "Love Doctor, Eris gives CPR to Ryan's Roses."

Check it out!

If you missed the segment you can listen to it here. http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/WMX5M3ds

Also, if you missed the first time I was On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
click here. http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/Wj3C1C3s

To read what Ryan Seacrest's blog said about my segment click here. http://www.ryanseacrest.com/blog/whats-happening/relationship-counselor-lends-advice-to-ryans-roses/

If you have ever listened to Ryan's Roses, the topic is negative (cheating, break-up, divorce). However, it is what you do with the negative. What I help people do is make positives out of what is perceived as negative.

How To Get Ready For Love

2009-08-19T19:02:00.001-07:00

So many of us have been looking for love in all the wrong places for way too long. We attract mates who don't treat us the way we believe that we deserve.

Well, I'm going to be a little blunt and daring right now. We actually do attract the mates in our life that we believe we deserve.

You attract certain people in your life who trigger certain characteristics in you. This allows you a gateway to understanding more about your self.

If you can truly understand this, you will know that each and every person that we attract in our lives is a gift. So, matter how "wrong" or difficult your relationship or past relationship was, you can experience tremendous growth trough the experience. This growth can be painful and challenging; however, it is well worth the work (if you so choose).

The truth is, none of us are perfect. We all have areas in which we need to grow. If you are really honest with yourself, by taking a real look in the mirror, you will see some changes that you can make within yourself. If you do this, you become more of your Best Self.

In my own experience after a break-up, I had tremendous anger directed at my ex. I had negative projections towards him and saw him as the bad guy. I began to feel feelings of anger, jealousy, annoyance and fear around him. In order for me to grow, it was important for me to recognize my anger. I was not really angry at him, I was angry at myself. I had to see what I was projecting onto him and withdraw my projections.

So much of the anger that I was projecting onto him was anger that I had with myself.

Once I authentically recognized them within myself, my anger towards him disappeared. I was not honoring the authentic woman I was and I lost myself in him. I had to withdraw my projections, recognize them within myself and begin to behave differently. I began to find the different qualities that I was desperately seeking in a mate within myself. By recognizing my projections, I began knowing different parts of my soul, which makes me feel more whole.

Once you start to do this work on yourself, you will be preparing yourself for true, deep love.

It's not just enough to say, "I'm ready for love." You need to expand yourself and know more of who you are to get that love. Become actively engaged in becoming the person you need to be in order to create an extraordinary relationship.

The good news is that each and every relationship that you have ever had is one step closer to what you know in your heart of hearts that you ultimately deserve. You just need to work through some of your "stuff" first.

One of the main obstacles to getting that love is having unresolved issues from your past. We all have them. They show up as resentments. So, we have to be aware of them and truly work through them so that we can move on. This requires not only looking at the resentment, but also looking at our part. It can be challenging to accept responsibility when we believe that someone hurt us. It is so much easier to say, "It's all their fault."

The key is reclaiming your power. How you do that is acknowledging how you participated. Once you do this, you can change. This is when you can have your biggest breakthroughs and life transformative experiences.

When you change your own patterns in your relationships, you begin to show up differently in your life. This is when you start attracting different people and mates.

It really isn't about what the other person did or is doing. It is who you are and how you show up to be.

Once you understand this you will be well on your way to getting ready for love in all the right places!

Can Rejection Be A Gift?

2009-08-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

I learned early on in life that every person I loved was sure to disappoint me somewhere along the yellow brick road. This was proven to me, even more so, in love relationships.

The first few months are like living in La La Land. It's falling in love, somewhere over the rainbow, in a land of unrealistic hope. It's like cruising along on the good ship lollipop.

However, things don't stay that way. In a relationship, two people are bound to cross the threshold into Reality Land. This is where one's true colors shine through and where many of my relationships ended.

It used to embarrass me when a guy didn't like me back, or when he chose to end whatever was going on between us.

Why? Because of rejection.

Rejection makes me feel self-conscious and ill at ease. And to be totally honest, it SUCKS! It's bad enough to be rejected in day-to-day life, and coming to terms with being a woman, in the workforce, in a patriarchal world.

But to be rejected in relationships on top of it - that takes the cake!

I have been rejected more times than I'd like to admit. It's a humbling experience, but also transformative - each with its own gifts.

Some break-ups were heart wrenching and caused me great sadness. Others seemed to have cruel and surprising twists, which left me stunned and confused. Others were simply not meant to be. I was genuinely, passionately, and profoundly in love with some of the men, while others were simply that - men.

As we travel through life, we often end up single. There are many reasons why. It could be because you were with the wrong person, cheating, lies, divorce, addictions, location, goals, no passion and more.

You may also be fearful of rejecting someone. The truth is that you are not obligated to stay with someone who isn't right for you. Rejection is a natural part of the dating and relationship process.

I also look at rejection as God's way of protection.

You can change how you look at rejection and see it as a gift.

When you reject someone, you are releasing them to find someone who will truly love them for who they are. Look at it this way when someone rejects you - Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you for who you are? Wouldn't it be better to be with someone who loves and cherishes you for YOU?

No matter how you look at it; falling in love is a risk. You are bound to be hurt somehow, some time, somewhere in the relationship. But instead of rejecting love after you have been hurt, and watching life pass you by, embrace the journey. Ask yourself how you can grow through the experience.

Every person who has ever entered your life has come to bring you a gift. This gift is for you to get a better understanding for who you are as a person. If you look at it that way and receive the presents - you have the opportunity to become your Best Self.

I can also foresee that if you can turn rejection into a positive event, no matter how much it hurts in the moment, it will lead you to an even better opportunity. No matter how cliché it may sound - As one door closes, another always opens.

5 Do's & Dont's In A Relationship

2009-08-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

Don'ts

1. Don't think that you can fix your partner. The only
person that you can fix is yourself.

2. Don't try and change your partner. This is an impossible
task. You are powerless over people, places and things.

3. Don't take away what your partner loves to do most. If
your mate loves to watch football with the boys buy him
a case of beer and send him off. He will be more than
likely to want to come home to you sooner. If he loves to
play golf. Let him. Buy him a golf shirt. He will love you
for that. If she wants to have a girls night out - order
them a bottle of wine or a chocolate cake and surprise
her. Hmmm... I wonder what she will do for you when you
come home that night. If she has a dream career or
hobby - support her in any way you can so that she can
fulfill her dreams.

4. Don't lie, be unforgiving, selfish, impatient, secretive or
vindictive.

5. Don't think that your relationship is going to be perfect.
There is no such thing. Expecting one will keep you
disappointed forever. Erase the La La Land fairytale that
Prince Charming saves the Princess fantasy. This will
never happen. Allow the Sleeping Beauty within you to
wake up and explore more about you.

Do's:

1. Do Know your Vision as a couple. Keep working towards
that vision. Build steps into making it happen.

2. Know your wants and not wants in a relationship.

3. Know the time that you want to spend with yourself,
alone as a couple and as a couple with others. Negotiate
and compromise this time together as a couple.

4. Ask yourselves the most difficult questions in each area
of your life: Home, Money, Work, Sex, Health and Food,
Family, Children, Community Life & Friends, Spiritual &
Mental.

5. Remember you are supposed to be on the same team. Be
each others Best Friends.

Get a Man to Fall in Love with You & Keep Him!

2009-07-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for this month's Inner Circle Love MakeOver Call!

The topic is "How to get him to fall in love with you."

This call is all about being in your Feminine.

So many of you have asked me tricks in attracting a man in your life and keeping him.

Once I started using the tools I will share with you on the call, I had one man taking me to Tiffany's and buy me a ring, other men sending be $250 bouquets of flowers, taking me to the best restaurants and concerts like Madonna and Prince and buying me plane tickets. And some of them didn't even stop perusing me when I was in a committed relationship with Clayton. And the great news is that I didn't have sex with any of them.

Do you want to know these tools?

If you answered "Yes," then you don't want to miss out on this call.

Sign Up Now: http://web.me.com/erisdreams/LoveMakeOver/Membership.html

I am going to be talking with Keri Newall, who owns a company called "Can't Date Without It."

When Keri's parents' marriage ended in divorce, new questions were raised for her. She wanted to know why men and women seemed unable to hear or understand each other and she was determined to find the answers. After years of research, study, and observation regarding ways men and women interact, she realized that understanding male/female differences was transforming her relationships with all the men in her life.

And on July 21st at 6pm PST, she is going to share those answers with you. Keri and I are going to give you tools that you Can't Date Without.

Don't worry if you can't make the call live. You will get an MP3 download via e-mail.

The tools work if you are in a relationship or are looking for one. If you want for your boyfriend or husband to fall in love with you all over again then you want to be sure to register for this call.

http://web.me.com/erisdreams/LoveMakeOver/Membership.html

This call is going to help you claim your FEMININE within and have men swooning over you, wooing you, and wanting to commit.

Sign Up Now: http://web.me.com/erisdreams/LoveMakeOver/Membership.html

If you haven't signed up for my Inner Circle Love MakeOver Monthly Calls, then you want to do it now. The monthly rate is ONLY $19.97 and the first month is FR*EE.

These calls teach you:

How to get your SEXY back in relationships and KEEP IT!
How to claim your FEMININE within & have men swooning over you, wooing you, and wanting to commit.
How to quickly gain self-esteem from the inside out.
And so much more.

You can live & be anywhere in the world to be a member of my Inner Circle. All you need is a telephone &/or a computer.

How it works:

Once a month I interview an expert who will give you tips on how to Get Your Sexy Back while giving you an instant Love MakeOver. I talk to famous authors, stylists, trainers, relationship experts and so much more.

Yes, I also be give you valuable information and tips that will help you in your personal love life.

You will be able to ask me and the expert any questions that are on your mind while we are LIVE on the LOVE calls.

If you can't make it to one of the calls - don't worry! You will get an MP3 download to the call, which you can listen to anywhere, anytime.

And, as a special gift to you, the first call is FREE!

After that the monthly rate is ONLY $19.97!

Sign Up Now: http://web.me.com/erisdreams/LoveMakeOver/Membership.html

3 Simple Ways to Attract Summer Love

2009-06-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Its about to be that time of year again when the sun stays out longer, the weather gets warmer and the desire for summer romance begins to sizzle within.

If you are already in a relationship, you get the extra urge to get out there and have some Summer Lovin' Fun with your significant other.

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, there are some things you could do to attract your true love like a bee to honey!

1. Love Yourself First.

This is the #1 most important!

In fact, I call it the most crucial rule everyone should live by in life.

Loving yourself doesn't mean that you are selfish. It means that you cherish who you are, are happy about your life choices from today on forward, and you can smile when you look at yourself in the mirror.

In order to attract love, you have to believe you are worthy to attract the right person into your life.

This means that you have to Love Yourself.

Whoever you attract into your life is a reflection of who you are at that moment.

If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will that same type of person into your life!

2. Be the person you want to find.

Get clear on what your values are and what kinds of values you want to attract in a mate.

Do you want to attract a mate who is fun, honest, caring, affectionate, hard working, smart, shows up on time, returns phone calls & texts, has strong family values?

Whatever values are important to you are the exact values you should start showing to the world.

Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life.

When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too.

3. Don't wait for love to come to you.

Let's face it, there are millions of ways that the internet has changed our lives. And, Dating is one of the biggest.

I know, I know - many of you still shy away from accepting that wink on match.com. You might still be stuck in the fantasy of meeting someone the old fashioned way is how you want love to happen to you (and, I'm not saying it won't).

Or, you might say, "there are so many freaks on the net." Well, there are so many out in the world and at your corner bar as well.

Think about it: the days of having to rely on being set up by a friend or hoping to be in the right place at the right time to meet a guy in a bar are lessening by the day.

What if I told you that your "One" could be on match, eHarmony, or chemistry right now! And, because you don't want to "go there" someone else might snag him up from you.

If you want to find someone this summer, all you have to do is jump online, plug in your personal criteria, and within seconds a list of thousands of eligible men appears right on your screen for you to browse and contact at your leisure.

Now how Brilliant is that!

Announcement

2009-04-29T16:45:00.001-07:00

I have been busy for the past couple of months expanding my brand, which is going to help expand you.

I am announcing that I am doing Love Makeovers.

We all need a little spice me up when it comes to love.

I will help those of you going through a divorce or break-up, those looking for your "one", and those of you in a relationship get your Sexy Back.

Lord knows that I have made a career out of having my heart broken, stomped on, ripped to shreds and then when it healed, I seemed to find another Prince who turned into a Frog and poured salt on the wound once more.

When I couldn't find the answers on how to heal my broken heart I came up with my 7 Simple Step System to take me from Break UP to Break THROUGH.

And now I am going to give you more.

After your Break THROUGH, its time to reinvent yourself from the inside out. You must prepare yourself for meeting the one. Once you've gotten rid of that internal baggage, I suggest doing some external therapy as well.

Those of you, who know me, know the fashionista that I am. I can't help but to put on outfits that make me feel and look sexy. That's why I paired up with Clayton to help me style my clients. Clayton was in the fashion industry for 20 years, gracing the runways and magazine spreads of some of the hottest including Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Guess, Versace and more.

We want to do some visual therapy for you so that you can claim your Sexy, while you manifest your "one."

I have paired up with some of Beverly Hill's best make-up artists and hair stylists to make you your Sexiest Self.

And for those of us, who are in a relationship, know that it takes work to keep the love sexy. Isn't that the truth?

It even takes work for Clayton and I to keep our love flame burning. It goes out at times and then we have to make the effort to light it again. Trust me, those times can been even better than when we first met.

Relationships are the best when a couple grows through experiences together as a team.

I help couples fall in love again, get their sexy back together, and communicate like never before. I can't wait to do the same for you.

Stay tuned for more in the upcoming weeks.

For now, read the article below on " Steps to Love your Love Life."

Love Eris,

headshot

Eris Huemer, M.A.
Relationship Counselor & Coach, Author, Speaker
LoveEris.com
Eris@LoveEris.com

4 Steps To Love Your Love Life

2009-04-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

How is your love life? If your answer is anything but, "It is fabulous! Thanks for asking," then read on.

It's easy to become caught up in our daily schedules that we often forget about the person that we are supposed to love First & Foremost - Ourselves.

In neglecting ourselves, one issue that comes up most often is a negative body image.

You might be saying, "My boobs are sagging to my knees, I'm all mush in the middle, and I jiggle all over. Why would anyone want to have sex with me?"

When we feel unattractive and uncomfortable in our own bodies, we are totally disconnected from ourselves.

I know that I say this often, but it bears repeating:
If you don't love yourself first,
then how can you possibly love someone else?

So, if you think that you are no longer attractive and too self-conscious to get naked - well then its time to get your Sexy Back.

1. I want for you to go to a mirror and take if off. Take it all off! Declare your Sexy! Run your hands over every inch and curve of your body. All you have is right now, this moment.

Those parts of your body that seem most soft are the ones that are going to feel most sensual to your lover's fingertips.

2. Create a Sensual Bubble Bath. Some orange oil with slices of lemon and orange peel floating in the bath will be just what the Love Doctor ordered! Or perhaps some rose petals will be your delight. Essential oils are very concentrated so a couple drops will be enough to fill the whole room.

3. Put something sexy on. No, it doesn't mean that you have to put on some spiky heels and a skimpy thong (unless you want to). I don't know a better way to feel sexy than to dress in an outfit that makes you feel beautiful. So, take off that oversized t-shirt and baggy pants and put on an outfit that will WOW even you.

4. And finally, get physical. Studies show that exercise alone can improve body image, even if you aren't loosing inches. So, go out and take a walk or a yoga class- anything that will get you moving.

Once you take off those clothes and love every inch of you, take a sensual bubble bath, dress sexily and get physical, you are well on your way to getting your Sexy Back and Loving the most important person in your love life - YOU!

And when YOU feel sexy, and believe that you're sexy...well, then any suitor will be thrilled to be in your presence.

What You Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships

2009-04-10T12:17:00.001-07:00

Most women have loved and lost. They have traveled that road of learning about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way - by taking way too many detours.

Along they way they experience a broken heart (many more times than one), emotional scars, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights.

I know that I have!

What if I told you that there is an easier path to finding your one?

Well, that is exactly what I am going to tell you.

There is an easier path for you to travel in finding your one!

Here are some love nuggets of wisdom sure to put you on your road to true love much quicker. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you!

1. Love yourself first. How can you possibly love anyone else if you don't love yourself? If you don't have self-love then don't put yourself on the market.

2. Listen to your intuition. Intuition is that burning sensation in your stomach that tells you your truth and nothing but the truth. Next time you are out on a date or in a relationship, listen to your gut feeling. Don't stay with someone simply because you don't think that you are worthy of finding love again.

3. There are two types of men: Trustworthy men and untrustworthy men. Don't date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two!

4. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and support you spiritually, mentally and physically.

5. Wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex.
Men love to treat sex as a sport. Never allow yourself to become their next touchdown.

6. Listen to what he is telling you. If he says that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship, it means just that - he's not ready to be in a committed relationship. If he doesn't fit - don't force him, just relax and let him go. When you close one door a new one always opens. No matter how cliché it sounds, it's the truth.

7. Stop dating emotionally detached, commitment phobic males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players today.

8. Stop thinking that if you move in with him then he will pop the question. Don't take the chances.

9. Your beauty, sexy body, cooking skills, smarts, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER! The only person who can change him is his want and desire to do so himself.

10. Do not stay with a man if he: promises to call you but doesn't, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions, and flirts with other women in front of you. These actions show that DOES NOT value you. You can do better than that.

11. There is a huge difference between sex and love. If you fail to recognize this then you are heading for another detour. Why waste your time.

12. Know that your man is out there looking for you too! After all, men are hunters. Don't waste your time with another man that isn't right for you.

30 Of The Best Places To Meet Men

2009-04-10T12:16:00.002-07:00

You might be asking, "Where are all of the single fish in the sea?'

One of the Greatest Relationship Secrets that you must know now is: EVERYWHERE!

One of the greatest relationship myths is that "All the good guys are taken."

In fact, the fact is that 44% of adult Americans are single, which means there are over 100 million unattached men and women. So, there have got to be some good - even GREAT - men out there.

So, the burning question on your lips right now is, "Where do I find these men?"

The answer is - OUTSIDE!

Yes, I said OUTSIDE. And, he's looking for you.

That means he's not in your home, hiding under your bed. And, he probably won't be the mailman knocking on your door tomorrow morning. He's out in the world, living his life, hunting for you.

That means that you need to start going out and about if you want to find your man.

As you probably know, attracting a relationship can be enjoyable but sometimes challenging. That's why, if you want to attract the relationship that you want and deserve, you have to go where people gather.

But, before you start your quest you must know these 2 things:

1. What kind of a mate do you want to attract in your life? Write a list and be specific.

2. What hobbies do you enjoy? What hobbies do you want your mate to enjoy?

Write these things down and then begin to take on the perspective of men are everywhere. Remember the song "It's raining men! Hallelujah!" Well, sing it and believe it.

After all, it's all about perspective.

If you believe that all of the good men are taken. Then, you will attract all of the good men who are taken. If you know that there are plenty of single, great fish in the sea, then that's what you will attract.

Which perspective would you like to try on?

If you are ready to go out and attract the relationship that you want and deserve, I have scouted 30 of the top locations men can be found.

The Internet
Volunteering
The Apple store
A Fortune 500 or tech company
The weight room in the gym
A political rally or campaign
Sports Bar on a Sunday or Monday night
A volleyball league
A rock-climbing center
A steak house
Seminars
Business conferences
Baseball Diamonds
Restaurant Bar
Hotel Lounge
Polo Games
Golf Tournaments
Networking Events
Home Depot/Lowes
Singles groups
Grocery Store
Gas Station
Gallery Openings
Book Store
Best Buy
Airport
Work Functions
The Mall
Museums
The Beach

And the list goes on...

Do you get my drift? Men are everywhere.

There are many great men looking to attract the women of their dreams. I suggest that you go fishing and catch your mate.

Relationhips Mirror Who We Are

2009-04-10T12:16:00.001-07:00

Do you find yourself in relationships where people treat you poorly? Do you find yourself attracting mates who don't commit? Do you feel like you keep attracting "the unhealthy ones" in your life?

Does this seem to happen over and over again, now matter how nice and loving you are?

You might be wondering why this keeps happening to YOU!

Do you want to shift your thinking form bad things are being done to you to having a new understanding about yourself?

If you answered yes then keep reading.

Our relationships with other people, particularly romantic ones,
are mirror reflections of us in so many ways. And, mirrors speak nothing but truth.

Know and remember this: each and every person you allow to enter your life is a mirror reflection of something in you. Therefore, they are a gift. This is a gift for you to understand and get to know more parts of yourself.

The way we relate to others is the way we relate to ourselves. For example, if you have something to say about another in positive or negative terms, one of your fingers pointing at them is three of your fingers pointing back at yourself. You are projecting something within you onto them. The challenge is to find out what those projections are.

The dramas that we have in relationships in the external world are the dramas that we have within ourselves.

If you have the courage to look deep enough within yourself, the flaws that you see in him are flaws that are in you as well. They might not be directly the same behavior or action, but they are in you somehow.

For example, if your ex is an alcoholic, or his drinking bothered you, does not mean that you are a drunk. However, if you were to look deeper at this, you would ask yourself, "Why would I allow myself to attract this type of a person into my life? What is it from my past?" (i.e. were my grandparents or parents alcoholics?) There can be many different answers to this question.

Or, if you find that people are consistently criticizing you, are non-committal, and judgmental, rather than blaming the other and being a victim, ask yourself, "In what ways am I non-committal, criticizing and judgmental?

When you don't like certain qualities in another begin to question yourself.

You'll start to notice how much of what's happening with others reflects what's happening in your own relationship with yourself.

It is important for you not to blame others for how the "treat you." If you take back any projections that you might be having on another, and take responsibility for YOU! Begin to look at your own relationship with yourself.

You can begin to transform. Change within can happen.

Are All Men Jerks?

2009-04-10T12:15:00.001-07:00

Are you at the point in your life where you say to yourself,

"All Men Are Jerks!"

One of the things that I hear my women clients (and gay male friends) say over and over again when they first come to me is:

"Where have all of the good men gone?"
All of the good guys are taken!"

Do you have a history of dating the same "Mr. Wrongs" over and over again?

Do you seem to repeat the same issues in relationships time and time again?

If so, then it's easy to believe that ALL MEN ARE JERKS.

The truth is that all men are NOT TAKEN and NOT EVERY ONE IS A JERK.

Of course there are some situations where the man is not on his "best behavior." So, why were you with him in the first place? And even more importantly - why did you stay?

The question for you is: what are you doing in your relationships that attract the same men and situations over and over again? What is it in you that you need to heal?

See, it's not all about him and what he is doing or has done.

IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT YOU.

Thinking that all men are jerks is a limiting belief on love.

More limiting beliefs about love are:

All men cheat. They can't be trusted.
All good men are taken/married.
I don't deserve love.
There is no love for me.
I am unlovable.
I don't deserve to be loved.
Love doesn't really exist or last.
Who would want me? I'm too old, fat, unattractive...
I'm too busy to date.
Love is pain, so I don't want it

I suggest that you change your negative thinking and know that there are great guys (and girls) out there. Shift your Limited Beliefs on love to Unlimited Beliefs about the Abundance of love.

A few common examples are:

There are faithful and committed men. They can be trusted.
There are many available men.
I deserve love.
I have so much to offer a mate!
Men are constantly asking me out on a date.
It's never too late for love.
There is such thing as love and I embrace it in my life.
There is enough time in the day for me to date.
Love is joyful because I get to grow and become more of my best self.
I create love in my life everyday.
I am always connected to a power that is greater than me (whatever it is me) to attract me to the relationship of my highest & best good.

Now it's your turn.

What are your new Unlimiting Beliefs about the Abundance of love?

So, the answer to the first question is:

The good men have gone nowhere.
Its up to you to get yourself out there and find him.

Watch This Video

2009-02-11T20:00:00.001-08:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

2009-02-11T19:52:00.001-08:00

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not.

2009-02-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year again - February - the month of romance and Valentine's Day - and another Hallmark moment (It's the second largest capitalistic gift giving holiday of the year).

For some of you, your rooms will be filled with sweet tart hearts, See's candies, and bouquets of flowers. You are in love, and will be exchanging cards that say, "Will you be mine?"

For others it's a lonely day and a lonely night while watching the lovebirds in their La La Land. For you, the fact that people actually buy into this contrived, manmade, multibillion-dollar holiday is silly at best.

Nonetheless, for most of you, there is probably somewhere, deep down inside of you, a glimmer of hope that cupid will take his bow and shoot you with his arrow that will cause you to fall in love.

Whatever the case may be,
just remember to always love yourself.

Here are some of the Valentine's Day questions I have received from my readers:

?
Ever since I was a kid, I felt forced into Valentine's Day, and forced into expressing love in a way that I'm not ready to. This occasion ruins the natural process of love. It's a complete set up, which I think was created by the female of the species. I care about my current girlfriend; but with Valentines Day right around the corner, I'm put into this position once again. I don't know how to express myself, or what to give her. I even have the thought of breaking up with her before the holiday and then getting back together with her afterwards. But, I know that this is not right. What should I do?

Eris Suggests:

It's a good thing that you know that breaking up to avoid the pressures of Valentine's Day isn't a healthy thing to do. I suggest that you talk to your girlfriend and explain to her the pressure that you feel around Valentine's Day. Give her the chance to express herself with you as well. As far as a gift, be creative - come up with something simple and appropriate. Or, come up with something together that feels comfortable for both of you. I suggest that you do not force yourself into saying anything that you do not want to say. Valentines day does not have to be such a pressure filled holiday nor does it have to become a bank account buster.

FYI - Although many women do get excited to celebrate Valentines Day with the person that they love, women did not create it. It was traditionally dedicated to two ancient male martyrs named Valentine.

?
Valentines Day is right around the corner AGAIN and I'm starting to freak out. I generally get an overwhelming feeling of loneliness around February. And, to top it off, I'm surround by women at work. Most of them are already getting cards, gifts, flowers, etc. And I won't - unless I send them to myself. Should I send myself flowers to escape the embarrassment or should I call in sick on Valentine's Day?

Eris suggests:

The fact is that everywhere you look in February is images of couples kissing, candy, hearts, and love, love, love. It is a shame that people who are not in a relationship are made to feel bad on Valentines Day.

To make matters worse, if you are already feeling alone, then this day can trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and emotions.

However, all of this hype can trick you into putting just as much focus on this holiday as society does. This can be unwarranted as well as unhealthy. I suggest that you change your perception of this day. Its just another day, and not being in a relationship right now is not the end of the world. Don't get down on yourself for that.

You first need to be in a relationship with yourself, empower yourself, and fall in love with you. There can't possibly be a better time to do this than right now. Self worth comes from you, not from anyone else. Take contrary action on Valentines Day and have a date with you, yourself, and YOU. Take yourself to the movies, go on a nice hike, go shopping (Just don't get yourself into debt). You can also enjoy the day with a friend. Or, have your very own Valentine's Day Party. As Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

I get many e-mails surrounding Valentine's Day break-ups. This does not surprise me being that this holiday revolves around equating love - finding the dollar figure that says, "I love you," in just the "right amount." The rest of the year, we show each other how much we love by the little things, how we listen, how we act. But on this day, its pre planned, pre packaged, pre marketed, pre sold, pre bought, and pre consumed.

But lets not remove February 14th from our calendars.

Lets just remember what its for - EXPRESSING LOVE.

Do You Want To Heal Your Broken Heart?

2009-01-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

For Anyone Who's Ever Gone Through a Relationship Breakup or Divorce...

How To Stop Your Pain, Let Go Of The Past and Heal Your Broken Heart After A Relationship Breakup or Divorce...

Do you want to know the 7 most important things to do to get over a break-up or divorce?

Join me on this FREE Teleseminar: "7 Simple Steps to heal your broken heart and begin to date."

TONIGHT
6pm Pacific Time
9pm Eastern Time
If you cannot attend, register anyway and you will receive the audio recording call.

Go To http://web.me.com/erisdreams/FreeTeleseminar/Free.html

If you're like everyone else who's been through a relationship breakup or divorce, you know that the pain of a breakup or divorce (especially one you didn't want) can be excruciating!

The trouble for many people after their breakup or divorce is that this pain can be so unbearable that without realizing it, they unknowingly do some things that delay the process in healing their pain. They actually stay stuck in that pain, sometimes forever.

Sometimes, even when you think that you have dealt with the pain of the breakup or divorce and put your past relationship behind you, there's still more healing work to be done. You just didn't realize it.

Even worse, more often then not, when you don't deal with the pain, you attract the same mate over and over again!

The good news is:
Your Break-UP doesn't mean your life is over.
It means its about to begin!

Do you want to heal your broken heart?

If you answered YES then you don't want to miss this call.

On this FREE call you will be given the opportunity to begin to heal your broken heart so that you can move forward and find the love that you want and deserve.

Join me in this FREE Teleseminar so that you can learn the 7 most important things to do to get over a break-up or divorce.

The "7 Simple Steps to heal your broken heart and begin to date" Teleseminar is absolutely FREE to attend.

When you confirm your registration, you will receive an e-mail with the call-in number and other information.

The teleseminar will take place TONIGHT at 6pm Pacific Time & 9pm Eastern Time. If you are not able to attend at that time register anyway and you will receive access to the audio recording of the teleseminar.

http://web.me.com/erisdreams/FreeTeleseminar/Free.html

As you well know, I am the author of the books, Break-Up Emergency. A Guide To Transform Your Break UP Into A Break THROUGH, and the E-Book Break UP, Break THROUGH and BEYOND. In 7 Simple Steps. And contributing author in the Amazon.com #1 Best Sellar, Thank God I... Stories of Inspiration for Every Situation (my story is Thank God my Boyfriends Dumped Me).

That being said, you know I am an expert on healing broken hearts.

I have helped myself heal my broken heart and find a relationship with a man who not only nurtures me, but guides me into becoming the best woman I can be.

I have helped men and women all over the world heal their broken hearts and find relationships that they want and deserve.

Now, I would like to help you.

Who Else Wants A Relationship In 2009?

2009-01-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I truly hope that 2009 is your best year yet!

Clayton and I brought in New Year with one of my favorite rituals - Putting on paper what we want our 2009 to look like. We went over the list of all of our goals and intentions of 2008 and created our new list for 2009.

One of the things that I realized about the list that we created in 2008 was that our goals weren't concrete and specific enough. This year we much more detailed as to what we wanted the goal to look like. This is what I have my clients do when they are in the process of creating a new relationship or bettering the one they are in.

Each time we talk about and write down our goals, I realize how fortunate I am to be with a man who has similar ambitions and values as I do. We also appreciate each other's passions by doing whatever we can to support each other in making our dreams happen.

It is natural for us to want a partner in life. We have the desire to want to wake up next to the person we love and feel a sense of security and validity in the world. Being in a relationship, consciously, is a good thing.

If you want a relationship in 2009, I suggest that you put in writing what you want that relationship to look like. Write a list of things that you will look for in a partner. (If you are already in a relationship, what are some things that you can to better yourself to make your relationship more solid? Also, what are some things you can do together to create a stronger bond with one another?)

When making your list for your future partner, be specific. Realize that you might not attract the person to the exact tee, but at least you are being clear with yourself who you would like to attract into your life. What is important to you?

1. Values. Are they the same or different than yours?

2. Physical Appearance. What should this person look like?
Height, hair color, clothes, etc.

3. Material. What possessions are important for the other
person to have? What about career and financial?

4. Interests, hobbies, athletics, creativity.

5. Spiritual beliefs.

6. Intellect and education.

7. Their life goals and future. Include the number of children,
child rearing beliefs, where you want to live, and goals for
retirement.

8. Emotional maturity and consciousness.

9. Your deal breakers. What are absolutes that you will not
accept in a person?

Know who you are and what you want, use the "Law of Attraction" and take whatever steps you need to take to make that happen. Once you are there, be ready and available for commitment. Balance your heart with your head by making your relationship choices consciously. It is still exciting when you choose to Date Consciously!

Recover from a Breakup, Heartbreak, or Divorce NOW

2008-12-19T05:11:00.000-08:00

I know how difficult the holidays can be with relationship stressors. And, if you have just gone through a Break-Up, Divorce, or if your Relationship is on the rocks then the holidays can be a nightmare!

There are over 19 million adults in this country who have gone through a divorce. Even more break-ups.

We have all at some point in time experienced heartache.

If you are going through this right now, I want you to Get your freedom & your life back!

I have helped HUNDREDS of individuals and couples just like you let go of their heartache and get on with their lives.

Are you in pain from a romantic attachment?
Going through an excruciating divorce or breakup?
Just can't get over a past love? Got heartbreak?

During the holiday season this pain can be magnified.

This is why I would like to offer you my E-Book Break UP, Break THROUGH and BEYOND. In 7 Simple Steps.

You can download in E-mmediately! And start experiencing results right away.
Buy Now

This E-Book will guide you step-by-step in healing your broken heart and having the life and relationship you want and deserve.

My 7 Simple Steps absolutely DO WORK.

And as a Holiday Special, I am offering this E-Book to you on sale! (It usually sells for $29.97).

Today I am offering it to you for $19.97. Click here to Buy Now Buy Now

So IF YOU NEED IT, or KNOW SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS IT, get it while you can!

You will have it in your E-mail Box within minutes!

You will be glad you did.

* Let go of a romantic attachment, a breakup, or divorce.

* Release the pain of this attachment

* Finally get over this tie that holds you back

* Get to the point where you will attract the relationship you want and deserve.

If you can't X out your EX, then this book is for you.

Break UP, Break THROUGH and BEYOND will show you ways that will make you feel empowered, more confident, and aware that you can create the life of your dreams.

You'll begin to feel in control of yourself, instead of being victim of your past relationship pains.

Even if you can't see light at the end of the tunnel, even if you feel hopeless, my Tools will help you. They're designed to take you from heart ache to having major life break throughs.

Buy Now

8 Tips to Reduce your Holiday Stress

2008-12-19T05:06:00.000-08:00

It's HO HO HO for the Holidays

Its that time of year again - For some of you it is exciting.

It's sleeping in all day with work load behind you. It's family, friends and food: maple glazed turkey, sweet potatoes with melted marshmallows on top, buttermilk mashed potatoes with cider gravy, cranberry grape compote, deep dish apple pie, and pumpkin cake with brown butter icing.

Its picture perfect. It's a Hallmark moment. It's a Maxwell House (coffee) commercial. It's happily ever after for the holidays.

For the rest of you it's non-stop stress. It's having to work extra hard to pay off that credit card debt. Its dysfunctional family matters and no one to date.

The only perfect family that you experience is on television while you eat: microwaveable TV turkey dinner, mashed potatoes out of a box mixed with water, canned cranberry sauce, and dethawed once frozen apple pie. It's not a Hallmark card. Nor is it happily ever after during the holidays.

These tips can help you to reduce stress and make the holidays more pleasurable.

1. SIMPLIFY. Doing less over the holidays may help you to enjoy the season more and that is really the best stress reliever of all.

2. Ask a friend or family member to help.

3. If you have family difficulties, try to plan some time with friends.

4. Don't be a perfectionist about the holidays. Prioritize the events that matter the most to you and your family. Understand that you can't do everything, so choose the things that you can accomplish and enjoy.

5. For gift shopping, remember that it's the thought that counts. Don't spend more than you can afford. Whomever you are gift giving won't love you more just because you give them a more lavish gift.

6. Always have a plan B. Remember that family time can be both wonderful and anxiety-provoking. Sometimes, expectations for family reunions are too high. This results in resentments and disappointment. Try to be realistic. Don't expect that
someone is going to change and be the person you want them to. They are who they are.

7. Take some time for what the holidays mean to you.

8. Reflect on what you want your future to look like.

I wish you a wonderful holiday season and send you love and support wherever you you go or whatever situation you are in.

TGI Amazon #1 Bestseller!!

2008-12-18T16:08:00.000-08:00

Good news! Thank God I...Stories of Inspiration For
Every Situation was a number 1 best seller on
Amazon.com this week.

This is exciting because the whole “Thank God I”
team has worked extremely hard to make this
happen.

My Story is "Thank God My Boyfriends Dumped Me."

Guy Riche's Divorce Settlement

2008-12-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

Usually celebrity divorces consist of the superstar man paying millions to his relatively unknown wife. Well, leave it to the material girl to break that pattern. She will pay $76-$92 million to her former husband Guy Ritchie. That makes the Madge/Ritchie divorce No. 4 on the most expensive celebrity divorce list.

But now reps on both sides are saying that this amount of money is not accurate. More shall be revealed...

GET OUT AND VOTE!!!

2008-11-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Very Funny Video

2008-10-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

Empowered Woman Interview with Eris

2008-09-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

Do You Have Your Copy Yet?

2008-08-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

Rape, Cancer, Death & Divorce
Can you imagine being grateful for any of these?

Eris's Story "Thank God My Boyfriends Dumped Me."

The Controversial Book Series "Thank God I..."
Is Here!
Buy Yours on Now
Call (323) 525-1550

Thank God I...the largest inspirational book series since Chicken Soup for the Soul, unites a world-wide community of individuals to share personal stories of gratitude for their past adversities. Thousands of writers will reveal gut-wrenching accounts of how they transformed perceived crisis into blessings.

Can thanking God for what we have...
be the key to making millions?

"Yes! Life is all about being grateful, and thanking God is the ultimate form of Gratitude. When you open your heart and mind and express gratitude for the abundance surrounding you, you align yourself with the Grand Organized Designer and may be in a position to receive more."

The Controversial book series, Thank God I..., is creating quite a storm worldwide.

Creator John Castagnini says: "Thank God I... is on a mission to share the healing power of gratitude and love of ALL things. By sharing compelling accounts of how personal adversities turned into triumphs, the series deems to transform lives through the healing power of gratitude. Our collection of stories share how becoming thankful is the key to finding a better self on the other side of pain."

New York Times best-selling author, Dr. John Demartini, comments: "What does it take to live 'happily ever after'? Ask a hundred different people and you'll get a hundred different answers. While some claim happiness is simply being in a happy relationship, others believe winning a pile of money would allow them to live happily ever after.

"What if I told you that the hope for 'happily ever after' is one of the greatest psychological and social delusions of our time? The purpose of life isn't to pursue only happiness, but to love and be grateful for life's winding road, which includes both happiness and sadness, positive and negative, and supportive and challenging experiences."

Buy it for yourself, Buy it for a friend, Buy it for a relative, Buy it for a stranger, just buy it for ANYONE who has ever had a difficult experience!

Featured Titles:

Thank God My Wife Cheated
Thank God I Was Raped
Thank God I Was Sexually Molested
Thank God I Had Cancer
Thank God I Have Herpes
Thank God My Son Died
Thank God My Husband Was An Alcoholic
Thank God I Was Fat
And More...

Summer Lovin'

2008-07-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

July is over this week. Can you believe it? Time moves so quickly, which is why I encourage people to not put off taking steps to find the love they want.

Summer is one of the best times of year to meet people. There are so many things to do! Outdoor concerts, BBQ's, pool parties, playing tennis, outdoor bars, enjoying baseball games, watching tennis or golf matches. Fun. Fun. Fun. I hope you are enjoying yourself and meeting new people.

I went down to Moonshadows in Malibu, California on Saturday for drinks at Sunset with some of my greatest friends. There were more single guys than girls looking for love. Where were you?

If you are having difficulties in finding the love that you want then maybe it's time to hire a relationship counselor or coach to help you through your internal roadblocks that are stopping you from meeting your mate. Don't let this summer come and go without finding love.

Love Eris,

Relationship Counselor & Coach
(323) 525-1550
coaching@LoveEris.com

2 Tips on How to Attract New Love or Less Love Dramas In Your Life"

2008-07-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

If you are single:
Do you wonder why you haven't been able to find the love you want?

If you are having relationship troubles:
Do you wonder why you attract these relationship dramas in your life?

If you answered yes to either of these questions then keep reading.

If you want to attract new love or less love dramas in your life here are 2 tips to do so.

1. VISUALIZE

The first step is for you to begin asking yourself what you want your future or present relationship to look like.
Be specific and concrete.

If you are in a relationship and having troubles:

Picture yourself having a more peaceful and harmonic relationship. What do you say when an argument is about to arise? How do you act and behave towards your mate? What do you do differently?

The next step is for you start being that person who is in a more harmonic and peaceful relationship.

If you are single and want to attract a new relationship in your life:

Picture yourself in a relationship. What does your mate do, say, look like? How do they treat you? What things do you enjoy to do together.

The next step is for you to open youreslf up to attract that relationship in your life.

2. INTENTION

To attract the love that you want in your life you have to set an intention for yourself.

If you are in a relationship and having troubles:

Set an intention to act differently than you are currently behaving. Use the visualization tool and visualize becoming that person. Take whatever steps along the way to get to the relationship you really want. Don't worry about what your mate is doing. It really is not about them. Keep the focus on yourself and do whatever it takes to get to where you visualize yourself going.

If you are single and want to attract a new relationship in your life:

Set an intention to attract a new relationship in your life. Use the visualization tool and visualize being with your mate. Take whatever steps you need to take to find a mate. Get on dating sites, ask your friends to set you up with their single friends, Go out and flirt, tell everyone you are ready to find a mate.

Whatever you truly, truly work hard for, and believe that you will have, is what you will create.

When a person makes a living doing what she loves, she does not give up, she does not give in, and she insists on doing it. That's what we're talking about here. Not magical thinking but a belief that we can and will have the relationship that we want.

We will do everything in our power, and everything that feels right to us, to do so. It's as simple as that. The person who has no clarity, no goals, is unsure of themselves, and has a lack of follow through, will probably have more difficulty creating what they want. It is all a matter of choice.

It is important to be clear with yourself about what kind of a relationship and future you want to create for you.

So how do you get such clarity?

When you see a clear picture and set an intention for yourself to get there.

You can have the relationship you want. But, in order for you to make your relationship dreams come true, in order to manifest them in your life, it is important to make your dreams into a clear visual picture.

I suggest that your relationship vision be complete and focused. It is also important to ensure that your vision is what YOU really want.

Eris and Clayton Doing the DISCO

2008-07-21T19:45:00.001-07:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Eris on Campaign Trail

2008-07-21T19:30:00.001-07:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

When is Enough - Enough?

2008-07-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

“And that's why birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love”
- lyrics by Cole Porter

When is Enough ever Enough? Can you have too many shoes? Can you ever eat too much Haagen Dazs or Pizza? What about SEX? When is enough ever enough?

Let’s say you and yours haven’t had sex in so long that you can’t remember the last time you did. Would you start looking for it someplace else (other than personal gratification/your vibrator)? Would you separate? Or, would you ask your mate to go to an extreme with you and DO IT once a day, every day, for 365 days in one year?

That’s what the authors of “365 Nights” did.

Crazy, Huh? What the heck were they thinking?

Charla Muller promised her husband "the gift," as she refers to their year of passion, for his 40th birthday. I guess she thought this would be better than buying him – Let’s say, a Rolex.

"This is something no one else would give him," she said in an interview. "It didn't cost a lot of money. It was highly memorable. It met all the criteria for a really great gift."

I guess she must have also thought unconsciously that it would be a gift that would keep on giving.

Her husband, Brad, was not all into the idea at first. In fact, he didn’t think she was all that serious, mostly because they haven’t been that active in the sex department in years. But, when he realized that his wife was FULL ON serious – he accepted “the gift.”

The 365 day marathon wasn’t all sunshine and smooth pavement. They definitely hit some road bumps along the way. At around month 10, Charla describes the gift to her husband as “my stupid idea” and “a hidden cross to bear.”

But in the end, Charla and Brad say that their year filled with sex created more intimacy. Charla said, “It required a daily kindness of forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky, that I don’t think either of us had experienced before.”

The national average of people having sex is 66 times a year. Some couples are totally satisfied with being sexual one night a week, some twice, some twice a month. There’s no number of times that’s right. It’s up to you as a couple to decide what works for you. I do, however, suggest that sometimes you should take one for the team to keep the happiness alive.

Clayton and I talked about this topic and agree that as much as we love each other we could never “Do It” 365 days in a row.

How many times is Enough - Enough for you?

Would you like to have sex for 365 days in a row? Email me your thoughts. info@LoveEris.com

2008-07-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

I hope that you had a wonderful 4th of July Weekend.

Clayton and I had a great time with our friends Marissa and Avi who just got engaged!

Congratulations!

Clayton and I have also just completed two FREE E-books for our faithful subscribers to The Love Eris Times. They are entitled:

- Eris's 3 Simple Step System:
Going From Break UP to Break THROUGH & Beyond™

- A Guide To Transform Your Relationship:
How To Put The REAL Back Into Your REALationship.

We will have the two FREE E-books for you download soon.

Where Have All Of The Good Men Gone?

2008-07-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

Are you at the point in your life where you ask yourself,

"Where have all of the good men gone?"

One of the things that I hear my women clients (and gay male friends) say over and over again when they first come to me is:

"There are no good guys left!
All of the good guys are taken!"

Do you have a history of dating the same "Mr. Wrongs" over and over again?

Do you seem to repeat the same issues in relationships time and time again?

If so, then it's easy to believe that ALL MEN ARE JERKS.

The truth is that all men are NOT TAKEN and NOT EVERY ONE IS A JERK.

Of course there are some situations where the man is not on his "best behavior." So, why were you with him in the first place? And even more importantly - why did you stay?

The question for you is: what are you doing in your relationships that attract the same men and situations over and over again? What is it in you that you need to heal?

See, it's not all about him and what he is doing or has done.

IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT YOU.

Thinking that all men are jerks is a limiting belief on love.

More limiting beliefs about love are:

- All men cheat. They can't be trusted.
- All good men are taken/married.
- I don't deserve love.
- There is no love for me.
- I am unlovable.
- I don't deserve to be loved.
- Love doesn't really exist or last.
- Who would want me? I'm too old, fat, unattractive...
- I'm too busy to date.
- Love is pain, so I don't want it

I suggest that you change your negative thinking and know that there are great guys (and girls) out there. Shift your Limited Beliefs on love to Unlimited Beliefs about the Abundance of love.

A few common examples are:

- There are faithful and committed men. They can be trusted.
- There are many available men.
- I deserve love.
- I have so much to offer a mate!
- Men are constantly asking me out on a date.
- It's never too late for love.
- There is such thing as love and I embrace it in my life.
- There is enough time in the day for me to date.
- Love is joyful because I get to grow and become more of my best self.
- I create love in my life everyday.
- I am always connected to a power that is greater than me (whatever it is me) to attract me to the relationship of my highest &
best good.

Now it's your turn.

What are your new Unlimiting Beliefs about the Abundance of love?

So, the answer to the first question is:

The good men have gone nowhere.
Its up to you to get yourself out there and find him.

2008-06-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have exciting news from OPRAH's camp!

Oprah's peeps have contacted Thank God I... and they will be reviewing the book and the TGI site.

The buzz is happening!!

Check out my TGI Profile at www.thankgodi/Eris and please feel free to join the online community.

People are extremely interested in reading the different stories in Thank God I... Stories of Inspiration for Every Situation. My story is, Thank God My Boyfriends Dumped Me.

The Love Guru Review (tm)

2008-06-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

Have you seen The Love Guru?

Despite it's awful reviews I LOVED IT! Clayton laughed the entire movie and the crowd applauded at the end.

I was looking forward to seeing the movie for weeks. I couldn't wait to hear what my "competition" had to say.

Some Guru Pitka quotes below:

* Intimacy is "Into Me I See."
* "Go from 'nowhere' to 'now-here.'"
* "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind."

Pitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete.

In the film, Mike Meyers's character is given a chastity belt when he is a young boy. So, he has never made love with a woman. Until...the very end of the film. Once he has learned to truly love himself and lead a path of honesty and integrity, the love guru is released from his vow of chastity.

It's going to be interesting to see how being able to experience love will affect the Guru's "love guruing".

That's why I can't wait for the Love Guru 2 down under "tm".

I know that I could never be the relationship counselor & coach that I am today without experiencing my past loves and Clayton.

The La La Land Stage Of Love

2008-06-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

There are a few stages to love.

The first, and by far the favorite, is The Honeymoon Stage
- or what I call the La La Land Stage - we all know about.

Beginning a new love relationship is like entering the gates of a Secret
Garden. It’s a place where a caterpillar creates its cocoon for the butterfly
to escape its chrysalis and flutter around in your stomach. Falling in
love feels like ecstasy. The bee’s wings, in frenetic motion, cause a
buzzing sound in your ear. Life instantly begins to have meaning. Two
birds in flight soar into the clouds. Your heart beats faster. Entangled
and entwined. You are floating on air, and your possibilities seem endless.

You experience a sense of vitality that you never felt before. The
love you feel sparks a flame deep within your unconscious. Supplies of

• Oxytocin
• Endorphins
• Dopamine
• Serotonin
• And other neurotransmitters

are at high levels.

Then you come crashing back to earth.

You know your ABC’s and the birds and the bees.

Its love in La La Land.

We long for love in La La Land. This began when we were little
children and discovered stories, myths, songs, books, poems, movies,
television, and their fairy tales within. It permeates our world.

Sound Familiar?

I know that it does to me. I can’t count how many times I have lived in La La Land, thinking that HE was the one.

He was! He was the one to BREAK MY HEART!

As I see it, La La Land is WAY LESS important
than Reality Land because that’s where
the REALationship starts and begins to thrive.

This false idea of love ignores the groundwork that relationships require.

Unfortunately, a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the La La Land stage is over and Sleeping Beauty Awakes and finds that her Prince Charming is not so Charming after all.

Have YOU ever experienced this La La Land to Reality Land transition?

How did you deal with it?

The first reality that I see is that there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship
(except in romance novels or fairytales).

The perfect guy or girl is a delusion.

The truth is that your relationship was perfect in the sense
that you chose to be there and there are lessons to be learned. You might
not have been able to learn these lessons without the relationship.

Once you step out of false hope and unrealistic fantasies into Reality
Land, it can feel like a tough place to be in at first. But, the truth is that,
only when you look at yourself and your relationship from the Reality
Land perspective do you give yourself the opportunity for growth.